COMEDY = TRAGEDY + TIME

[omniblob]

long time, no speak, all you lovely w-a-s-t-e-rels!you would think that the intervening period would've resulted in many, many happy stories to share with you. alas, i can't claim this to be the case. got my tickets for glesca green though. whoop!i'll be the bald bloke in the skeletor t-shirt, feel free to say hi...seriously, that's like record time for me. i usually muck about and end up buying them from some dodgy looking bloke outside the venue. like most people, i'm against touts but i seem to end up using them all the time.regular readers (yes, both of you!) will be pleased to know that the cat is still trying to kill me. last week, i was about to leave for work when i heard an ungodly weeping noise. needless to say, the cat had got stuck down the back of the walk-in wardrobe and couldn't get out. this happens at least twice a week.after much scratching and struggle (the little swine always scratches when i'm about to save it from distress or death), i got it out and, stopping only to disinfect my wounds, headed out of the door.upon closing the door (why do i check afterwards? why?), realised i didn't have my keys. normally this wouldn't be a problem, but my flatmate THE LEGEND was away all week with his baby momma, piglet and her other kid.they were due to got to some horrific disney thing in florida (in fact, because of the thirteen hour flight, THE LEGEND gave gave up smoking - which was another six weeks of misery for me). unfortunately, the woman in the local post office had been embezzling funds and throwing away the passport applications, so THE LEGEND was forced to go to the north of scotland instead. true story.another true story - i was once woken in the night by a thudding sound. THE LEGEND had applied too much baby oil to himself and slid straight off his partner, onto the floor. things that go bump in the night, indeed.this is all true. this is my life. my best friend is barney gumble from the simpsons, only with more ugly-sex.so, back to the topic in hand, i was locked out. this meant, until i could get a locksmith round (one hour or less, my arse...), i was forced to stay at my parents' house.you've probably guessed; from my rambling blogs and whiny emails, that i have the potential to be annoying. my father is worse, he's like me - but without the personality sense of humour. apparently, zero can be a number.the locksmith came the next day and between him, my family, the neighbours, my work colleagues and anyone who phoned or talked to my family, neighbours, or work colleagues, everyone had a good laugh at my expense. by this point i was beyond caring about anything other than (don't tell anyone) the welfare of the cat. little bastard.fortunately, i had stocked up its various bowls and the cat was in rude health. this was best demonstrated by the smell of the unchanged for thirty hours litter tray. if nothing else, it shut the locksmith up.so, my essay is done (no more work until october!), my radiohead fix will be sated on the 27th and i've paid for the majority of my edinburgh festival tickets. life is good. THE LEGEND has had his legendary-ness revoked, after bringing scented candles back from his holiday, but doubtless he'll soon return to form in some sort of drunken sex shenanigans and the universe will right itself.yes, you probably guessed, my keys had fallen down the back of the walk-in cupboard. the fucking cat.anyway, remember - i love you all.every single one of you.steve x.