From Someone who means nothing

[Gingersnapz]

Good evening everyone,There are just a few things I wanted to share with whoever decides to read this before I go to bed.Today was a crappy day. It started off well, then just kinda went downhill. For no good reason either. I just went from being chill, to kinda depressed, to downright angry. All unprovoked, and all making no sense to me. By the time I was in the car heading home, I hated the world, and everyone in it. It wasn't a pleasant feeling.So I dealt with it in the way any full-time-working-nineteen-year-old would. I took a nap.The nap resolved none of my problems, but I sure felt better.Here are just a few of the things that were floating around in my mind that got me mad.First off, sunday afternoon, I had quite a pleasant conversation with my ex. Whenever I have a nice conversation with her, it really sucks, because it makes me miss her more than I already do. It makes me wish things were different. Much different.I still worry about her, and I hope she's staying out of trouble. For the record, I don't hate her whatsoever, and I actually wish her the best. Sometimes I wish her best was me, but that's just selfish I suppose.Next in the list is how whinny some people can be. I just felt like today was whining day because a lot of people were doing it. That kind of irritated me. But whatever. That's not really all too important.Next is just people that I've lost contact with for no good reason, yet neither of us make any effort to try to catch up, or to mend a broken friendship, or even just say hi. I miss a lot of people that haven't gone anywhere. Chances are, if I haven't talked to you in a while, I miss you. And even if I have talked to you, I still probably miss you.Lastly is my newest growing relationship. It really sucks to like someone, and yet, not be able to commit or feel any particular attachment. It's probably one of the weirdest feeling I've felt in my life thus far. To be able to care about someone so much, but always holding them at arm's length so you don't get hurt....again. Man, I tell you. I've been hurt a lot, and it's really affecting the way I look at relationships. I can't even like someone the right way anymore. Anyway, I really hope that gets better.And last, (I know I already said last, but this just came to my mind) I'm so fucking lonely. I don't know why. I have no good reason to be, yet I am. I feel lost, and anxious, but most of all, just alone. I really hope that resolves soon, because it's really starting to wear on me.well, that's the ramblings of an insomniac.goodnight everyone,-trevor