Based on A Conversation with a Schitzo
an experience i had when i was 20 or 21 years old?
this has been on my mind for the past while since i recently watched a lecture given by dean about the taboos in science regarding unexplainable experiences like telepathy and all those other general phenomenon that science cannot seem to explain...and this theory of mine is also connected to the experience i am about to share.
i must have been around 21 when this happened, i think this because i was still with my first lover and i boke up with him when i was around 22 so it has to have been some time before. he was jamming at a music studio with this heavy metal band he was playing in at the time. i had gotten really bored watching and decided to go for a walk to get a coffee and stretch my legs a bit. i walked down to a starbucks near the jam space and thats when i met this schizophrenic man.
this man had been standing in front of me while i was waiting in line to order. he was wearing a suit, very nicely dressed, and looked to be around middle aged... forty or so....more or less. after i ordered and was waiting for my coffee to the side of the cash register, i had been enquiring if there was a coast capital bank near-by, since i was not from the area and did not know my way around, while the woman was giving me direction...the man in front of me had turned towards me and was also attempting to help me with where a bank could be.
i remember thinking when he turned to talk to me, "wow, what beautiful eyes you have"...he had these giant brown eyes...that looked almost like a dow..he looked very innocent..and...he looked like he had a lot of sorrow inside his soul. what's funny is that he said this exact thing i had been thinking of him !!!
"you have such beautiful eyes!"he said, with this wonder and depth in his eyes.
i replied "thank you!", rather surprised, not only because of the coincidence of thinking the same thing as him, but that his compliment side swiped me. it seemed to come out of no-where because he had just been in mid sentence explaining some thing else about the area.
an instant after i had said thank you, he started weeping like a baby. no joke. like a little baby. one of those sobbs that come right from the pit of your stomach...a type of whimpering that is almost more painful to listen to than to experience. i had never seen a man weep like this before in my life, and it broke my heart!
at this point my mind was reeling! i was thinking...did i say something wrong!?
he seemed to understand my surprise at this sudden burst of emotion and explained rather apologetically,
"i'm sorry, but i have a mental condition called schitzophrenia, i come to this coffee shop to talk with people, it helps me keep track of reality!"...
i responded with great interest and surprise asking him if he wouldn't mind talking with me a bit about the condition.
he was very eager and thankful to talk with me.
it's times like this that i really wish i could have had a tape recorder on hand. the details of this conversation go way too deep to re-type word for word. also, he was incredibly hard to follow. as he explained the technical details of the mental disorder, he went in and out of every and any possible personality, and thought wave!! changing subjects faster than i could follow, and then continueing with the last explanation he had left off at. hah, in a way it was like having three conversations at once...or more so it was like having a conversation that was spliced up into different parts, but not flowing out in proper sequence. like starting a story from the end, middle, start...or going in every and any direction with the story, forward and backward!!
the only thing i can compare it to...is ...it was like listening to the radio...with some body who cannot decide what station to listen to! the channels were constantly changing!! his mind went in and out of mazes that i could not follow or keep up with..but i started to learn that when he finished off with something, he would follow in a patter, if i waited long enough between him jumping stations, he would finish off a thought later on. it was difficult to connect it all at first, but i caught on well enough, just listening. at times he went into different accents. at one point when he was talking about religion he started talking like an american yankee, and it gave me shivers. it was very dark. at this point i started wondering if his brain was working like a radio, and if he could pick up on thoughts like they were radio signals.
i decided to try an experiment right then and there. with absolutely no expression on my face to give this thought away for him to read from my expression...i projected a thought, very clearly, and very strong towards the center of his forhead. (i know this sounds strange, but stay with me) the thought i projected at him was this
" I AM AFRAID OF YOU, RIGHT NOW"...
i really need to emphasize that i did not show fear in my face. i did this with my best pocker face. because i was not so much afraid of him, it was just the clearest thought i could pull out of my brain to project his way!
he responded, exactly as i had suspected, he litterally responded to my thought as if i had spoken it out loud. his eyes registered something while i projected it to his brain, and then a moment after he had finshed talking in his american yankee accent, he said to me with the greatest earnesty in his face "please, don't be afraid of me, right now"
haha. my jaw could have fallen off and hit the floor!
then he went into explaining some really abstract things. i wish i could remember this whole conversation, but really, it was the MOST complex one i have ever ever had in my life ( the only person who tops him on this is the homeless man in white rock, ryan! )
after a long time of listening to him, it was time for me to go...before leaving he asked me the strangest question
"do you have telepathic tendencies?" he inquired...
and i replied"well, i don't know! i don't think i do!"...
what had happened really freaked me out a lot and i didn't know at that time what to think about it. i still don't know what to think about it.
he said to me very directly, "well, i think you do"...
he said a bunch of other things along the lines of how telepathy works and how i can work on developing the tequnique. wow..awesome moments haha, getting advice from a schizophrenic on how to develope telepathic tendencies!! my life has been so strange! anyways, i just remained open, without judging the advice in any which way...more so out of interest in the topic in general.
i said thank you for his time and for talking with me and explaining his condition. he started sobbing again when i was saying goodbye, and hugged me really hard, like he didn't want to let me go.
as i walked back to where my boyfriend had just been jamming this idea started to develope in my head...that maybe schitzophrenics are just people who have too many signals going through their brains at once, and something has gone wrong with the wiring that they cannot connect the signals properly, like most people do. it's like their brains are these entennas that have got the volume turned waaaaaaaaay to high up on the channels nobody else generally listens to! and because it is so unrelated to most of what is directly going on, people call them crazy and medicate them.
what i think the sad part about this... is that...this man was not dangerous, but everyone is afraid of him...he is constantly miss-understood...but he has realized that he needs to force himself to be around people to confirm reality! what makes me the most sad is that nerologists cannot even begin to really comprehend the brain and how it really works! they only seem to understand a very small part of this waaaaaaaay larger spectrum of theories..
if science were to understand the brain, looking at it more as a radio, rather than something to dissect and medicate...i think people like Brian (i think that was his name but now i'm not quite sure) would be given more help than what is available to them right now. he was on medication while takling with me and i did not see much of a difference. but who knows, iàm not a doctor, or a scientist to know the difference. maybe he would have been 50% worse than he had been without the meds?
so, this is my theory, about that. i have had a few telephathic experience but i generally dismiss them because there is no point for me to focus so much on these things. i have to question everything that comes in and out of my mind. there is a balance inside, and if you don't question then... that's when it can become dangerous, far too easy to slip into insanity.
i really think that schizophrenics just need "brain training"...haha, if that makes sense? how to organize their thoughts better. how to control better what signals they pick up on!? maybe it will still take many many years for these programs to be developed, maybe there are people working on this right now! i hope so! and maybe only once we gain a better understanding into what the brain is, and how it really works can we really make a difference with people who are miss-understood and rejected for being different. i think the biggest problem in today's day in age is that all these groups of knowledge are seperated, and seem to be war-ing against each other, when they should be seeing the connections. oh well.
these are my thoughts of today. i don't know if my own opinion is right or wrong...this is just a sort of a theory i have developed over the past while and some questions based on my very very small experience...and one video i watched. it's a complicated subject and there is lots that i do not understand!
who knows? maybe i'm a schitzo !! maybe i've just learned how to control or ignor it!? haha. i'm sure if i told any councilor about my telepathic experiences or clairvoyance, clair-audio and precongnition they would medicate me ASAP. this is why i have NOT. and do NOT talk about this. i just wonder how many other people experience such phenomenons that go untalked about out of fear of being told they are crazy!?
i get random thoughts all the time. sometimes these thoughts line up with things that are important, or directly connected to some thing in reality, some times they don't! it has been a hit or miss thing for me...and the thoughts that don't relate with reality as i know it, i dismiss. i have to do this...to keep myself in check. if only these other people could be trained the same way!
any thoughts on the subject?
(oh and, please excuse me for all grammar and spelling errors, iàm a monster with the english language!)
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