Bad Friend, Better Mom

[PrttyBrd]

I've been thinking a lot about this family I was once close to. We have only spoken or seen each other a few times in the last couple of years. I love these people very much. A part of me would like to so much more of them. Unfortunately, a bigger part of me needs to shelter my children from all the drama. There are intermittent prescription pills involved, which saddens me. They have had help on many levels. I really do wish that I could be there for them, and I am as much as I can. I check on them and email them, but it is difficult to stop by. Their kids are out of control and they are stuck in a bad situation. I don't trust them around my kids because they can't trust themselves to be vigilant as adults around children should be. I miss them, the sober them. It is that side of them that is adored by me. The rest is too much. I feel guilty for not being who they can lean on through this. I used to be. It all changed when I saw her going through my husbands pain pills trying to sneak a new bottle into her pants. I was disgusted and heartbroken that she would do that, especially since my husband had just been in a severe accident and had three surgeries a week before. He might have needed those pills. As it turned out, we still have most of them in the back of the cabinet, since he is very stubborn and hates pills. But the fact that she did not consider his sever pain while trying to steal from us, well, that did it. I wish her the best. I pray for her kids. I keep in touch with people that I know who know them, and of course I email. But I can't be in that. It's not good for me and definitely not good for my children. I love these people, but I love my kids more. Still I have guilt. Even in the middle of all this, when she found out I was pregnant a ways back, she saved all her baby's stuff. I didn't need to buy anything but diapers and socks until he was four months old. I was very thankful. It was great and these people are very giving. They are just troubled. I think shame over the pill incident has kept them from seeking us out more regularly. I should reach out more. Fear stops me. I'm being a bad friend, but a good mom. Is there a way to be both. I feel like I don't have enough fun time with my kids as it is, so how would I justify leaving to visit them without the kids. I hurt and I pray for them.