cyber space. lets go down the rabbit hole, shall we...
you are human. i am human. right!? well, i always find myself reminding ``me`` that this is just a digital version. nothing more, nothing less. simple, right.
i had been thinking about this a lot the other day, and when i read the article of "pandora's vox", posted by dejvid, it made me realize that we may all be freekishly syncronistically connected by some strange means. not that i never realized this before... and this strange means is a lot more directly shown and trackable, for me, in a place like cyber space! and with some people it is more than we consciously realise, or care to notice!
i notice it.
what i want to share now are these thoughts i had a few days before reading the article dejvid posted. coincidences like this always leave me with a big bubble in my brain that floats up from deep within my subconsciouse to the surface of my awareness and then just "POPs". sudden realization. has some one turned the lights on! all thoughts come together into a whole when that happens... and i say out loud ``YES``!!
some times reality is the most strange thing you will ever experience. but i guess that is our question here, what is reality? and what is reality in the world of cyber space?
i picture all of us in a giant white room. wires connected to our brains. i don't see anything but this white space, and blurred faces. voices come and go through the wires that transmit messages from people frozen in time. people i choose to read from. the choices of minds to enter are endless. an overwhelming mass of information and identities to hack into.
i download my mind into this white space, sifting out obviously the darker nasty parts that nobody ever really wants to know about another person, and share the parts of myself that i think give my life meaning...and there it goes, swirling away, into this white space that swallows everything, like a black hole, only it's white, endless and expanding, instead of contracting. and it remains permenent, until, or unless i choose to erase my contribution to it!
i try to remember that i'm human when i go into this white room, and i try to remember that the people on the other end of the wires are human too, but some times i forget. i forget because where human meets machine everything starts to blurrs into this indecipherable humm, like white noise, in a community like cyber space...everyone is silent. frozen. plastered. like a million different insects splattered on different window panes with their status desperatley trying to defeat the moment, become eternal.
realizing that i have spilled my gutts, poured my mind into this white blanket, to numerous blurred faces, these people at the other end of wires...that i struggle to communicate to,
a part, a small part, of the whole, my own small and seemingly insignificant perspective...that is really, in the end, just all one...thing. my experiences are original to me, but i`m sure they have happened before to somebody else and will happen again.
i picture myself in the matrix. this is the matrix, really. we are all sitting in glass incubators, bobbing like bald little babies. feeding the great machine.
i never joined cyber space communities before,like face-book, because i realized after opening a "myspace" account that this information is being used to track everybody and anything for commercial means and to control the population in a very organized master plan one world order type shit, way. it made me feel violated looking at it in that way. how could it not! not that they don't do this already anyways and through any and all information about you, such as email etc...it cannot be avoided, really. so how much cyber space communities make a difference to this at all, i`m not sure about. it just makes it faster and easier to get the information. there is no need for the FBI, or any other top secret organization, to be making profiles about people anymore, they have found a way to let the people write their very own profiles and hand it to them!
everything is exposed, nothing is secret, now. statistics are going off the charts with new information freely given every day! information is being hand fed to these fuckers through the drive of our very own...our very own.... ego's!
"hello big brother!"
if you talk about this with people they just think your nutts, or they don`t give a damn.
so i stopped. i just decided to not think about it too much and to just remain some what absent from these modern computer communities that have been growing over the years. i refused to join facebook. i still am not on facebook. like that helps anything? well it does for me at least. it preserves "me" as just simply, me, some how? instead of confirming my own existance through face-book, i prefer to be confirmed through waste! haha.
also,
i just love people's reaction when they ask me if they can add me through facebook and i say "sorry, i don't have an account on facebook!" even some grandma's have facebook! people react to this in all different ways, but generally they look at me like, "you weirdo, how can you not have facebook!" and i smile. i love it. love love love the reaction of people so much, that it has prevented me to this day from ever ever joining. don't get me wrong, i'm not a facebook hater. it's fine with me. i get it. i just don't want to be a part of it. rebel without a cause? umm, yes.
although, i know for sure i have pictures on facebook in other people's profiles. and thats the crazy part about this. even if you don't want to be on facebook, you end up there!!
i was thinking about how many other people's face book pages i could get onto, without even being on facebook. you would have to go to a lot of places and directly ask people to take pictures of you to post on their page. ask complete strangers, even! it would be fun. not having facebook yet being on everybodies page! it's like that book-game "where's waldo!"
...i imagined myself doing this wearing a black and white striped shirt, like the cartoon, so it would make it easier for people to catch on and try and pick me out. how could you go about making something like this happen? just pop up when people are taking pictures. my imagination is so crazy:) i would never do this, but it is funny thinking of somebody doing this. i picture some mexican boy, like from the movie napoleon dynamite! i loved that guy. he was my favorite.
i don't need facebook to confirm that i am real, or that i am important. does waste central do this for me in a similar way facebook must do for the masses? maybe, but it's more of a creative outlet. not a statement about who and what i am. i don't want the people in my day to day reality to know my inner world. my inner world is so abstract, and really, in day to day life, how is it possible to share that!
i like sharing it more with strangers. and that is weird! memories and experiences just happen to be the outlet to a lot of what i'm learning.
these experiences i have are really the only thing i can talk about, because it's what i know, based exactly on my own experiences! how can i have anything else to go by? it's so easy to talk about yourself when sitting in a white room, alone. although, i look at it more like, i'm talking with myself, really. looking at my thoughts like i'm looking in a mirror. observing myself like an animal in a cage. but my thoughts are free. my thoughts will always be the bird that flies outside the cage. and i know that cyber space isn`t even big enough to contain that.
at first, for some reason it really freaked me out the concept of posting pictures of myself for the world to see. no matter what you do or do not do, does not make much of a difference to the whole picture, and yet it does!! does it matter if i'm on face book or not!? probably not. and i'm a hypocrite for my opinions about it, because i use waste like a sort of facebook. only i don't use it to socialize as much as i use it as a space to organize my thoughts, and express creative energy that gets pent up inside me and needs an outlet at some point. when it comes down to it though, i have to admit, that i`m no different to anybody else. i like talking about myself, and showing pictures to reassure myself that I AM.
some people use this energy to paint a picture, take a photo, write a song...create something solid. recently i have found a lot of release just through writing, all these thoughts pouring out of me. before it wasn't like that. words didn't come so easy to me, and so i had to use more abstract means to release this energy. like through singing, or drawing....or whatever else fit the mould at the time.
but now,
i simply cannot stop writing, recently... downloading thoughts, memories, and my own limitted theories about "reality"...onto this cyber space community called w.a.s.t.e ! love that name waste.... of course if i belong to any cyber community, it would have to have a name like waste. reminds me not to waste my time. and that i do waste too much time. reminds me that time is flying buy, the bird i will never catch, never tame. never keep.
i try to keep in mind that my "space" here, is not me. it is like my online secretary that keeps track of things that are important to me. like a weird sort of memo pad. collecting lists of things i like, an electronic diary that i don't mind sharing with people who want to get inside somebody else's head for a minute.
knowing that this is all a sort of reflection of me, it is a sort of digital version of me and that this reflection changes and evolves, but yet remains static to the screen, unless i choose to say otherwise, this interests me a great deal!
it`s like the philosophy behind the question: `` if a tree falls down in the forrest and you are not there to see it, did it happen É``!!!
update the memo pad. it's strange to think about, but if i didn't choose to share, here, then i would not exist in the reality of cyber space, even though this space does not change the reality that i am real, whether i'm here or on facebook or NOT!
it keeps me at ease? to remind myself...to remind myself that i am me and this is just, this. i have to do this. i have to remind myself that this is just the drawing board. otherwise you can easily become lost to your virtual world, virtual digital self. which, lets not forget, is merely a reflection of something far bigger in all of us reaching out to one another in whatever means we can to become understood, connected...evolving...
wow, if you change the letter`s around a bit, evolving= loveing. then again i also noticed this with the word believing which =be lie ing, only with a v added! hah! words are fun.
i have thought about doing experiments online with identity, making up a totally different identity online and seeing the reactions i would get from people, as a kind of psycological study. it would be something similar to the experiments i have already done with image in my own, very real, personal life.
i realized that there was no need for me to do this, because i already understand how easy it would be, and i can guess the reaction i would get based on the personality i were to create. also, i do not like fucking with people so much. unless it's for a good cause. or to help people understand something greater. something they never looked at before. i like helping people see things from a new perspective, but i dislike fucking with them...although some times it's necessary to get the reaction you need, the understanding thats needed for some to have a realization.
i think the best thing about being "myself" on "here", is that, nobody knows who the fuck i am haha!! and there is no need to fabricate an alternate "me"...the "me" thats me is a hell of a lot more original than anything else i could ever think to make up to fuck with people's heads! i think i do a good enough job of this just being myself :)
it's a tricky when thinking how much to invest of "yourself" into "communities" like this. how much to live in this cyber realm, and how much to live in the real realm. i guess my major experience on this space has been seeing how this space can help me grow creatively and express myself in a way that makes me feel more free. it allows me to look at my own thouhts, and the thoughts of other's objectively. i guess it does sort of give me the sense of the whole. even though, in reality, waste central is probably no different than any other cyber community. i like to think that it is different.
i feel safe to share my thoughts here. i feel the illusion of safety and a sense of "importance" because music is really the only thing that really matter's to me enough to pour my gutts out to. when people make music so mind blowing and for me really, mind expanding and life changing! a part of you wants to communicate back! or at least for me...it's like that. and this space allows me the opportunity to do that and it's exciting!!
it's totally unrealistic to ever think that i could ever be able to meet radiohead in person, or lets face it, any ``famous`` people for that matter! but i can share my thoughts with them, and all people...doesn`t matter famous or not! it`s just cool knowing i can communicated with people i otherwise would never meet, never know, never talk to!..and that makes me feel important. and i think it makes other people feel like they have some importance also. otherwise, why else are we all here! haha. even though that sounds stupid, it`s the truth.
but yes, the trickiest part about these cyber communities is that they have used people's weakness, which is to have a sense of importance, a sense of self, that people want and hope will be eternal, which really is eternal, that will leave it's mark, so to speak.
but sadly, for the majority these 'officials' behind the communities, in cyber world, `they`` have taken this weakness using it to "their" advantage to further manipulate people. it's really fucking brilliant. i have to admit. it is THE master plan unfolding. and before your very fucking eyes! the way i see it, is there is a very very fine line in this world between right and wrong, that is at least, when it comes to government and how we are being mass manipulated.
but at the end of the day what do you do? haha. i sit down, maybe drink a beer, or a glass of wine, one. just one, sometimes two. don't want to get too drunk, that can go bad...haha......and then you .........basically try and forget, and pretend like you don't know whats going on.
........maybe thats all you can do? and then...of course, write a blog about it, obviously :)
umm. such an interesting subject. being as we are all, here in.................
.................. cyber space...................
thank you dejvid for posting that article! i recommend everybody reads it ! ``pandora`s vox``...wow..
i looooved reading it...and i loved that you thought of sharing that here! Brilliant :)
i love you dejvid!!
oh and i want you to know that i spent hours writing this, reading and then re-reading it, adding and subtracting different details that i missed when i would re-read it over and over and over, again. i`m only mentioning this now, here, at the end, because if i didn`t say it, you wouldn` t know about it. and i think thats interesting, because i think thats important. but, maybe it`s not! i should be doing a lot of other things right now, like cleaning the house, and buying groceries to cook dinner, but instead i wasted my time in the virtual world, doing this! and i loved writing this blog and i loved re-reading it.
i hope you enjoyed reading it, too :) i hope it`s something everyone has thought about before, and if not, i`m happy if it`s new thoughts to some people...
i have to say just one more thing: maybe a different perspective is sometimes the same perspective as everyone else. it`s just saying all the things never said out loud, or in general conversation.
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