Innards

[PrttyBrd]

Why is it so easy to hate yourself, yet so hard to change what you find so loathsome? Is it fear of change, laziness, or a slow torturous mode of self-destruction? It’s curious how the very same things you despise in yourself don’t seem to bother you in others. If you hate your curly hair, you don’t mind curly hair on someone else. If you have bad skin, you don’t mind it on others. If you’re fat or skinny, none of these things stop you from talking to others with the same or similar issues. You don’t think less of someone because they have physical imperfections.So, why are you so quick to pass judgment on yourself? You have friends and people who love you. Why is it so difficult to believe in their feelings, to trust them despite your physical attributes? Could it be that those attributes are a subconscious attempt to conceal what you really abhor? If you “know” you are not worthy, then how can anyone truly believe you are? It’s only a matter of time before they come to the inevitable conclusion that they can all do better. Better looking, better everything. Why stay with someone they can’t stand the sight of? Is that it, or a part there of? If you repulse them physically, then maybe they’ll leave before they realize how pathetic you really are. Maybe, it’s a test. After all if they love you, won’t they love you regardless? Maybe you just really can’t stand this hideous farce your life has become, yet you feel so powerless that you have just given up on yourself. Perhaps the violent humiliation of the past is so prevalent in all you do, even all these years later, that it has caused you to do all you can to lessen the possibility of recurrence, in which case, the fatter the better, but at what price?When is enough, enough? When will you matter to yourself? Why continue to let the skeletons of your past control your life, and by extension the lives of those around you? Tell your loved ones and let them show you they still love you. Trust that you are strong and know that you deserve to like yourself. Give yourself a break. The bar is set too high and you have set yourself up for constant failure. Find what little thing you really want to do, just for you, reach that goal and then upgrade.Find your way back to you. Though it may be a long and arduous journey, it is a road long awaiting travel. Don’t waste the next eighteen years hating yourself for things that were never your fault. Unlock these chains that weigh you down. Summon some of that strength you use to forgive others and forgive yourself. You are worthy of so much more than that.I know it seems like all the good in your life is happening outside yourself, but take a closer look. Would any of it have happened without you? Don’t blame yourself for the bad and write off the good. They go hand in hand and the good wouldn’t be so good if there was no bad to judge by. Know that things will get better and that despite how it may seem, everything that goes wrong around you is not your fault. You are deserving of happiness. You are worthy of love, without doubts. Take pride in yourself and whatever you do, no matter how seemingly small the task. You are a good person. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t let your mistakes define you. Rise above and learn to let go. It’s easier said than done, but the rewards for release are countless. Free yourself!