it have been 4 years since

4 years passed and there's nothing new, nothing ever changes in my life, i guess it will never have.

my english speaking skills haven't improved, though im gonna take ielts exam next year, and yet i'm hoping to get the best mark. it's always me doing so, living so, waiting the best things to come, thinking that i am, I AM THE BEST THING TO COME IN THIS WORLD and then i suddenly realize that it's, like

not true

it's hard, if not impossible not to expect myself succeeding in everything i do and not letting myself do mistakes and forgive myself for doine ones. that's the real inevitable truth, the one that will never fade in my life -- i should be the best of all, do best, try best, make best, best best best best best best be--

i do feel nothing and im sick

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