lick THIS!

[Vanessa Vasquez]

My favorite thing in the whole world is women's boobies, so nothing is more horrifying to me than breast cancer. I empathize with anyone that has gone through that, I really do. I cannot imagine how terrible of a thing that must be. I also believe that it is good that there are corporations trying their hardest to help out the cause of fighting breast cancer. But Yoplait is really going about it in a strange way.Lick Breast Cancer.

I've often thought that their whole campaign motto has sexual overtones. Lick Breast... Ok I get it. Whatever it takes. But then today I see on the receptionist's desk this large glass jar with "Lick Breast Cancer" written on the front of it. It is half full of Yoplait Yogurt lids. Does anyone know how disgusting this is? I remember high school where they would have you lick the petri dish and then you would watch it grow like some chia pet from hell. This is worse though. First you've got remnants of dairy product fermenting in there, along with all the germs from the persons saliva. Then you mix that with 50 other samples from other people into one big petri dish and sit it on the receptionist's desk.Where did you go wrong in your choices in High School or in life in general that has lead you to the point where you earn your living counting moldy yogurt lids for Yoplait. I'm thinking you should be in full bio-hazard gear, but I'm willing to bet that poor bastard isn't. Do you think she gets satisfaction out of her job? How much do you reckon she gets paid? Are her family proud of her?And what about other cancers? Why doesn't Yoplait help out with them? Lick Testicular Cancer. Lick Prostate Cancer. Lick Colon Cancer (this one could also be co-sponsored locally by Rusty's Trombone Repair shop). How come Yoplait doesn't care about them?And what about other companies wanting to get in and help the cause to fight cancer? Crest might be interested. We could discard our used dental floss and they could donate a certain amount for each foot you deposit in their bins. Charmin could have a huge campaign called "Wipe Out Colon Cancer" and for every empty Charmin toilet paper roll you drop off they would donate a certain amount. Tampax could have "Applicate Against Cervical Cancer" and every used tampon applicator you drop off they would send money towards that cause.Seriously though, this is a good cause and if you have some extra cash a small donation from you would go a long way. Go here to keep the boobies of the world safe from cancer, because a world without boobies, is a terrible place to live.https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/donate/OK then, I gotta go