Love has its limits?

[PrttyBrd]

Do you have someone that you trust implicitly? For me it has been very difficult to trust, as the past keeps creeping into the present. However, there is one person that I don't worry about in that area, only one. For the past decade and half this person has been my rock and seen me through all of my crazy. Unfortunately, I may have trusted too much. As I lost my mind for ten minutes last weekend, he never left my side. I sat by and watched as my pain spewed forth like lava from a volcano. It was almost like watching a bad movie. It was seemingly endless. By the time it was over, ten minutes later, I felt better. My fears, now voiced, did not turn into reality. They just freed up space in my soul. Yet, somehow, everything is different. Things have changed. I am no longer viewed the same way. I expressed doubt in myself, in my many roles in life. Now, it seems that I am not able to be trusted. There is tentativeness, where there once was freedom.

Once this passes, as I know it will, it will be I who has changed. For I now know that there are limits. A relationship with limits like that, doesn't lend itself well to trust. This person could tell me anything and I would not judge like that. Okay, anything except the two things that are outside of our boundaries that I'm not sure I could get passed. How could there be emotional limits. I'm afraid that I now have to reign in my thoughts, my feelings. I shouldn't have to change. Fear will win. I can no longer fully trust. I am heartbroken. Perhaps I'm just plain broken. I know this too will pass...for him. I will hold this lesson in clenched fist within my aching heart. This could last a lifetime. I hope that all is not lost.