Dilute the immense truth into a simple sin
And repent
If God is my shepherd
Shall I want
When love cannot be found
And all are blind
I am burdened
By the stones in my heart
They rub against each other until smooth
And smothering all my intentions
I cannot contain the carnage
Of the iceberg that crossed my heart
Churning this feeling inside me
I am again forgetful of the art
That struggles to keep my breathing steady
Oh God can you hear me
I cannot read your Bible without crying
And I cannot pray to you with dry eyes
All I have become is stagnancy and filing
For secretaries and social workers
Who monitor my progress with pensions
Who will not forgive nor forget
My mistakes
There is always a punishment hidden in the wake
Of every action I had to take
To claim my fake stances on reality
This is not the life I wanted to lead
This is not the actress in myself I wanted to seed
Every day a line of distress like a forest fire with smoke in the leaves
Barely alone barely alive barely a tear in each dry defeated eye
I would kill to fall in love
And reap the sins of touch
Oh God forgive me for never thinking that you loved me
You cannot satisfy my wounds
This world cannot satisfy my appetites
The void in my soul is crushing and it pulls
At nothing
I am nothing
Inside
And I am nodding at each and every sacrilegious type
Who attempts to control me with ungracious lisps
Church going matrons with red tinged lips
Shaking about on uncertain hips
While speaking in tongues claiming to speak to you
Oh who ever knew such nonsense to be profound
God can you hear me
I wait in the back of a taxi
Half naked and heartbroken
Screaming, “he tried to rape me”
This great shame
But I had gotten naked all on my own
And this vile tongue in my head I could not control
Fearful of the punishment that would eventually fall
And they lock me up to prove I am not an artist
To prove I am not a poet
To prove I am not awake
But God I am sorry for that mistake
I hold the guilt close to my heart
And wish I could have remained numb
From the start
But I fell in love
And now I am licking my wounds
Desperate for that sin to strike my heart again
I am vanity incarnate
Creating beauty for no one to notice
But perhaps you can hear me
Culling you to weep
Calling you to speak to me again
Or am I the devil’s child
Without wings like a fly that has been destroyed by an angry hand
I just wanted me some sugar
I just wanted me some love
I just wanted me some God
Something to sooth these wounds
The cheese cloth around my heart
The stones that it contains
Crumbles at my feet
Humbled I cannot speak to you my lord
Terrified of the answers I have ignored
I live in sin
And do not repent
Because I disagree with your program for salvation
I disagree with your process of elimination
I just miss you and the elation
I once felt
At your touch upon my soul
The life that I had led leads me to console no one
In particular
But you.
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