adiohead Fan Fiction
PART 4
Thom is in his hotel room, still sulking. Newspapers are all over the room. The headlines read "Radiohead singer needs throat surgery", "Thom Yorke's career: over?", "Radiohead in jeopardy", "Aliens stole my dog and replaced him with the spawn of satan!", and "Dirty hippie commie pinko gets what's coming to him"
Thom: (in head) Why did this happen? OH WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!
*FLASHBACK*
Before the concert. Thom is making fun of Phil.
THOM: HAHA, you moron! You missed the beat in Optimistic last night! Loser! Now they're all laughing at you! And you're bald! What a freak! HAHAHA a freak! You stupid loser freak jerk HAHAHA YOU'RE BALD AND OLD AND FAT!!!
*PRESENT DAY*
THOM (in head) Gasp! PHIL! HE did this to me! All that making fun of him made him mad at me, I'm sure of it! That bastard, I'll get him! I'll get him good! How dare he? I'M THOM YORKE, DAMMIT!
meanwhile...
COLIN is pacing around his hotel room again, his pockets bursting with gum.
COLIN: Hmm...I could...no...um...wait...I GOT IT! (runs over to the phone)
COLIN: I'll get him good! (dials a nimber. We hear Jonny's voice on the other line)
JONNY: hello?
COLIN: hello, is this jonny greenwood
JONNY: colin?
COLIN: no...this is colin...woodgreen...smyth...greenwood...SHIT!! I mean...no...
JONNY: oh, my mistake
COLIN: is you toilet running? (tee hee)
JONNY: hold on, I'll check.
COLIN: tee hee!!!
JONNY: Oh no, it wasn't!
COLIN: AAAAHHHHHHHH!
JONNY: Thanks for warning me! Are you a plumber?
COLIN: .............................have you got Prince Albert in a can?
JONNY: What's that?
COLIN: ...I...don't...know...
JONNY:...
COLIN:...
JONNY:...
COLIN...LOSER!!! (hangs up) OH I AM SOOOO GOOD!
meanwhile...
ED: Oh, I'll get him good! I'll get that Thom! I'll get him, so help me god! (picks up phone, dials)
Thom picks up
ED: Hello?
THOM: ...
ED: This is NOT ed
THOM: ...
ED: DO you have prince Albert in a can?
THOM: ... (hangs up)
ED: DAMN IT!!!
meanwhile...
back on the stage, morning. There is police tape everywhere
DETECTIVE: Someone killed Phil Selway. We've got to find out who.
DETECTIVE 2: Don't worry, we'll get this bastard!
DETECTIVE: Wait! See these markings around his body?
DETECTIVE 2: No...it can't be...
DETECTIVE: It has to be...
DETECTIVE 2: No...
DETECTIVE: Yes, Phil was involved in.......THE DAVINCI CODE!
OH THE SUSPENSE!
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