The following article is particularly important to me, not only because it perfectly captures my intent with this blog, but also illustrates the personal “drama” of my life. How do you communicate with others when what motivates you is self-development and conscience awareness for a better world and you get called all sorts of names and charged with petty accusations for your efforts? Not just by strangers but your closest relatives. Why do we even persist in trying? Because we're kind of stupid? Out of naivety? Optimism? Or maybe it's because we're just our authentic selves and nothing and nobody — neither emotional blackmail nor fear of rejection — can ever coerce us into fitting the mould of compliance set by a castrating society which conditions us at every level in order to breed us like chicken. Chicken run! :D
On a more personal note, as recently as yesterday I was trying to be obliging with my own (extremely self-hating) mother who keeps complaining that we can never talk. So I tried to engage in mundane conversation to avoid any kind of controversy. I began telling her how I might have found out what triggered some of my current health issues, but she rudely cut me off in mid-sentence saying, “Oh yes, I know, it's because...” An almost systematic way of hers. No matter what I say, she can't help showing that she KNOWS. The problem is she knows absolutely nothing and what she thinks she knows, while arrogantly interrupting me, is all commonplace and never anywhere near what I actually have to say. So I either stop and shut up (what's the point if she's all knowing?) or insist trying hard not to get carried away while she's being downright rude, explaining as quietly as possible that it would be nice if she would just let me finish since what I meant to say is nothing like what she had in mind. It always turns out to be a total waste of time as, in any case, she continues unabated until I finally lose my temper, giving her all the evidence she needs that I'm always trying to impose my views on others... Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the unfairest of them all?
So what do I do? Carry on assuming the stigma of the ingrate daughter thus allowing the manipulation to make me feel guilty and undermine my self-worth? Or realise that I was raised this way and that the lifelong lack of self-confidence that led me to miss many opportunities while having a dramatic influence on every choice I made was all but another form of conditioning.
At any rate, reading this article sparked out many neural connections in my brain — triggering sudden insight and I do hope it will be the case for you as well. Today of all days you're more than welcome to share your own personal experience in the comments below.
Read article HERE
Also available in French HERE
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