How it all went down
I pressed my lips against his cold brow. For the first time in my life I'd seen a body with every facet of the living life sucked out of it. My family surrounded me but they were unseen, with my focus on his now lifeless eyes I get a sense of dejavu. Every worst case scenario, every "wish you could have been there" flooded me with regret and guilt all at once. It was enough to paralyze me as I banished myself to the waiting room for the grieving families. I couldn't let them see me in this state of sheer vulnerability. 15 minutes prior to him passing, He told me that he loved me through his ventilator that muted him for the last 2 weeks of his beautiful life. I looked him in his petrified eyes and knew that he knew………..we all did. And how am I supposed to react? Should I stay strong for him? For my family? Or should I have broken down and wept like every ounce of me wanted to. I did none of these things. I stood next to his body in utter disbelief. Numb to the world because for those few moments my entire existence revolved around this weathered soul that I called my brother, and he called me his………Even in his position as the delirious human infected with the most lethal of lethal's he was still my big strong brother who for so many years was my anchor. We'd been through the same superficial struggles, We'd dealt with our problems together. And at the moment that he passed I knew that my life would change forever. "FOREVER" Such power exists in itself…………for…….ever…….never ending. And it scares me to know that it could happen to anyone. My friends that I hold dear, myself, and my enemies could all fall victim to an unjust death. I wouldn't wish what I have felt on anyone but me. ………………………………........................................................His now deflating veins making their way back into their place gave the image of worms burying themselves before springs first rain. Was he a martyr? Because it seems that his dying was the catalyst that brought my mother and father to the realization that they brought him into this world and now they have just chosen to take him out. ……..what weight.And I recall, cigarettes and headphones. I smelled of grandfathers musk . Stand still
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