the sky is thundering, again, and i can't help wondering everytime i hear the sound of the sky split
"is the world going to end?"
then i remember it's only a storm and the world probably won't end yet.
i still can't help but wondering sometimes, "is this it?"
for the past years now, since i was sixteen, i've been having various nightmares about the worlds end.
every single one of these dreams is the same, only the situations vary. it's rather disturbing.
maybe it means something only on a psycological level? maybe everybody dreams these things? i just wish mine were'nt so real. it's so real that it scares me...and when i think about global warming...the reality of it.... well.... it's more than a nightmere. one that we cannot really wake up from. we are killing ourseslves.
we are in so many messes that we can't seem to get out of right now.
thunderstorms used to make me happy. now they just remind me of everything thats gone wrong. or maybe it's gone right? how should i know. can i think i can know the difference? well sure, i guess, to a certain extent. but when you try and really look at the bigger picture...i just get so lost in it all. there are people who are fighting in ways to make a difference, and that's good. it gives encouragement to the rest of us helpless people wondering "what do we do?" then i beat myself up thinking " i should go tree planting, i should stop shopping,....really i should run into the forest and join a wild pack of wolves and hope they accept me"
wanting to make a difference, and really not knowing whats worth fighting for anymore in this plastic day in age.
yes, "age of stupid".
thunderstorms...
maybe it would be better if my nightmeres came true.
it's just so sad that we can't make a better way. why do our leaders have to be so greedy? why do we still have wars fought in vain. when will the lives of people be worth more than what money can buy?
there are so many things wrong.
why can't the thunderstorm remind me of the good things?
i should stop watching conspiracy theory video's on how fucked up this world is, and the people running it...it just makes me feel helpless and depressed to know the truth.
1984 says it all.
and the sky is yelling at me right now!
i have to stop typing before i just regret that much more of everything i say and do. i just need to vent it out right now, because i'm alone...and i feel a little teeny weeny bit afraid for the state of our world...and our childrens childrens childrens futures.
