PLAYING IN TRAFFIC (NOT REALLY)

[omniblob]

i was walking home for work and stopped at a crossing, as there was a bus coming. as i stopped, the bus changed direction and continued round the nearby roundabout, making my stoppage unnecessary.rather worryingly, this cased much hilarity in the bus driver, who started laughing maniacally and swinging is head round in a figure of eight shape (much like my father in the early nineties, in his hilarious attempts to mock my liking of indie music).i laughed this off, which seemed to annoy the bus driver no end as, no word of a lie, he took the bus back round the same roundabout again and used the opportunity to stare me out. these two choices (laughter and roundabout repetition), combined with the worrying mental state of said driver, lead me to believe that he chooses his own individual bus routes (and to hang with the old dears in the back).if you read about a bus crash in the uk anytime soon, i'm pretty sure this nut-job will be responsible. i've developed such a phobia of public transport that my carbon footprint will resemble shaquille o'neal's reeboks (hey! joke for the sports fans!).got home to find my flatmate THE LEGEND (so important, THE LEGEND deserves capitals - and to be spoken of in the third person) had started on the modest selection of breakfast wines i was saving for tomorrow. if this wasn't bad enough, THE LEGEND appeared to be talking to the dvd player.apparently, when THE LEGEND switched it on, the display said "hello" to THE LEGEND. this small anecdote is only one of the million reasons that THE LEGEND is THE LEGEND.read the archives at - www.stevebeagrie.com for more details on THE LEGEND. all the stories are good, filthy and true.anyway, it's that monthly blip in the overdraft i love to call pay-day today! the mighty james play edinburgh tomorrow and the equally mighty omniblob friday. shame i have no money to take the proper steps to enjoy.why? you may well ask...i broke my bed (don't laugh, you'll make the baby jesus cry) and i need a new one. truth is, i've needed a new one for at least a year (hence the breaking of said bed). by the end, it was so squeaky i couldn't turn, let alone toss.so i'm currently sleeping on a single mattress, placed handily on the floor and, you know what? i like it. maybe it plays up to my tortured artist / "down and out in paris and london" fantasies, i don't know. and let's be honest, if i'm skimping on a new bed, i definitely can't afford the therapy required to get to the bottom of the bed thing, can i?look, i've told you! i didn't break the bed like that! don't be rude...like i could get anyone near my bedroom even when there was a proper bed in it.my lonely hearts ad would read something like;"moody, existentialist shrek-alike requires woman of saint-like patience to not grow tired of his constant artistic prattle and sinus complaints. must like the smell of eucalyptus oil."anybody that thinks that any of this is funny is just hurting my feelings. on purpose.despite this, i love each and every one of you.steve x.