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[Vanessa Vasquez]

Here’s another pet peeve of mine:When you see someone and go, “How are you?” and they say, “Hello,” or worse, “Hey.”That’s how you are?I’m asking you for a summarized mental status report here. Answering isn’t optional.Allow me to share some conversations from the past week which may or may not have directly inspired my sudden irritation:Me: Hi! How are you?Someone more socially retarded than myself: Hey.Me: …Me: How are we doing today?Someone more socially retarded than myself: Hello.Me [patience wearing thin]: …Me: How. [pause] Are. [pause] You?Someone more socially retarded than myself: I’m outside right now, actually.Me [done with the world]: …I’ve overdosed on human interaction lately. I hope no one ever talks to me again.