Adult Temper Tantrums

[Vanessa Vasquez]

When I was younger I would always take refuge in my grandmother’s arms. Bury my head in the crook of her arm and HIDE. I cant quite do that anymore. For few reasons, I am now a walking giant, and she is a frail lady. I no longer have the two high ponytails …. The hiding effect is no longer there. Its all about the ponytails.Sometimes as an adult I miss being a kid. I miss throwing my arms in the air and demanding immediate attention. At times I just want to kick and scream because my day is not progressing in the manner in which it should.Today is one of those days. All I wanted to do was throw my arms in the air, stomp my feet on the ground, turn beet red, and hold my breath. I just couldn’t do it. I mean I really wanted to. For no apparent reason. I just felt like that.I have a sick habit. What is this sick thing that I do? Well, I let frustration boil my mind until I am steaming at the ears and I can no longer take it. As if that is not enough, I also ignore little details. I take the small the little problems and shove them deep in the pits of my soul. Until there is no more room.Well….what happens when there is boiling, steam, and no room to move? It just explodes all over the place. The true Capricorn in me comes out, and basically….the short version…It’s a fucking hell. Run while you can. This whole thing lasts no more than few hours and I am back to normal.Rest assured. Its not an everyday thing. It happens every so often, like every six months or so, I sometimes go longer without saying how frustrated I am.Im working on my communication techniques. I used to be worse. Hell, at least I write about things every so often. I didn’t even do that before. Frustration has been boiling over me within the last few months. Its every little thing.My job, I feel like I am not going anywhere. I fight tooth and nail, and yet I am still not happy with it. I am not unhappy with the company, the amount I make, I am just frustrated because I am burned out. I am annoyed because I have to drag myself out of bed every day.Bills….bills, bills, bills!!! Fuck! I hate bills. Need I say more?Stupid people annoy me. I am getting sick of people and their idea of problems. Some of these people think it’s a big deal to go home to a paid off house and their only worry is to feed their mutts. Hell, if she only saw what the majority of the world sees they would shut up and enjoy what they have.Things are just not happening fast enough! I have become an evolving machine. I have become used to change. To a degree I have become addicted to the drama. That being said, I feel the forthcoming changes. I see whats headed in my way. But it is just not proceeding fast enough. Hurry UP already.That’s it! That’s my temper tantrum for the day. Everything else is a piece of cake. I think I have it under control.