chapter 7

[Anya]

I just wanna cry!CRY OUT LOUD!!!!cry so that someone will hear me and someone will taste my tears... I simply feel alone! everyone is special only for two first weeks/everyone longs to be appreciated/what for/ to be touched, but play a stranger who takes care 'cause it's more valuable than real care/hurts/annoys/hypocrisy flourishes/blurred vision/brokeni don't know what's happened, but everything falls apart leaving me feel abandoned. that's right but of no hope/no goodoh God, GOD!!by the way, I've to be happy and satisfied.parents are far away, don't care, no real control, but i've got money and everything that i want, study at the best univer that i could have here, by this time no real problems, i have a boyfriend who seems to love me, i have friends who seem to be real and believe me, i have the opportunity to attend all the courses i choose, to get all the things that i want, i got opinions for me being beautiful, i got opinions for me being clever, i've got all the parts of a normal body, i've got all the senses and even more having synaesthesia, i am determined in my morals, determined in the belief (orthodoxy), never read a book that i choose and didn't like, i have an access to everything i want to listen look taste watch try make, but...it seems to be understood in another lifeit all is for another life, all the miracles i choose to be in my life are for another right now/it should be quite different to suit conditionsi wanna say: I Love You!!! and love the whole world for free, but when i say it, i tie my hands/for freedom.