could you be loved?

[lounatik]

feeling a tad lonely, a tad off. every girl gets this bad, ugly feeling. wishing that there is a shoulder i can rest my head on for just a bit. or someone with whom silence means freedom.after the oct 2 show in japan, i met another fan, at some random bar. he seemed to be that shoulder, to be that silence, play that role then. Never have i felt as special or as present, or as real as that night. suppose i was functioning better that time, was more logical then than now because i decided it was a one night only special. didn't give him my number, didn't give him my email. didn't ask for his.and now, deadlines later, here i am feeling as lonely as a b list prom reject, wondering if he thinks about me, as well. egotisical much? i suppose so. i don't know what i want, really. if i want anything from him. if it's him i'm really wanting or just that feeling he made me feel, for the very first time, that night. if all i'm craving for his the idea of him.could he be here as well? could he be reading this too? now i'm just being a wide-eyed high school freshman. haha my, i don't even remember when exactly that wide-eyed wonder closed her eyes in defeat. i'm just throwing this thing--whatever this is--out there, in here, so that maybe the universe may hear.