cynicism.

[September]

Today is my cousin's 18th birthday. We went over to congratulate him, celebrate his birthday, have a nice lunch and hang out with a lot of relatives. I met my other cousin whom I haven't seen in nine or ten years. From the moment I saw her and we said hello, I immediately knew she didn't like the presence of us, and when we left, she said, with a stiff face; "Nice to meet you again after all of these years". Though you don't need to be a psychologist to know she didn't mean it.

Most people I meet, "new" people, seem to be uncomfortable with me around them. I know how they all work. They're just a bunch of shallow, heartless people that don't care about anyone but themselves. "No wonder you don't have that many friends", they say. Because of what I believe. But I honestly couldn't care less about what people think of me. There are some people out there, just some, that aren't like the others. That aren't shallow or heartless.

Maybe I am too. Heartless, that is. I know that I'm not shallow (people have told me so about my past two or three boyfriends) but maybe I could be heartless sometimes. I admit to the fact that I don't care about some people I used to call friends in the past. What should I care about them for, if they do not care about me anymore?