i have suffered from it since i was 6 years old. i didn't understand why some people didn't question their existance the way i did. when i figured out that the frequency of that questioning was not "normal", i finally did something about it. i have learned over the years, that depression and alcoholism was/is rampant in my family tree. my maternal grandmother committed suicide by handgun at 40 years old. my father at age 50 tried to committ suicide with a rifle but was too drunk to succeed.
after my son was born i suffered horribly from post partum depression. the doctors back then treated it with tranquilizers, bad idea... i don't miss the suffering at all since my life took a turn. i don't miss the deep dark moments. i don't question life or situations like i did. i certainly don't miss the loneliness and isolation.
when i had my son, it/life was all about him. he needed me. YOUR children need YOU more than you can possibly imagine! your children look to you for answers about life and situations. it is not just about you anymore! i pray you choose health, life, progress, change, looking forward, not backwards.
i love life now. i have wonderful music by a phenominal rock group called Radiohead that keeps me company. when i am sad, happy, upset, whatever my mood, i listen to one of their albums or watch a video of theirs. i begin to sing, dance, rock, shout, and dance again! thank you mr. yorke, mr. selway, mr. c. greenwood, mr. j. greenwood and mr. obrien, for literally helping me stay alive! Blessings and Peace to you and your families. (please forgive the spelling mistakes, i am typing in the dark again...)
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