I Just Knew It!

[PrttyBrd]

I can see the future. It's true, because I knew it would happen. I knew. Just as I put it all behind me. I had come to terms and moved on. Now, I find myself in the familiar yet foreign. In the surreal land of, "This couldn't possibly be happening. not to me". Yet, here I am. Again. I resigned myself to the fact that this would be it. That things were how they were and I had accepted it. It was fine. In fact, I had begun looking forward to the possibilities. Crushed and thwarted are those plans. Plans of freedom so close I can hear its heartbeat. That is what happens when I begin to look ahead, begin to make plans. Just as I embark on a new era, I am slammed backwards in time. All gets pushed out of reach for another few years. All is at the bottom and everyone else is piled high upon the top. I climbed out of that place where I was alone. I found peace within and had enjoyed looking for it without. Now what? Not sure if I am strong enough to scratch my way out of the depths once more. Hoping beyond hope that this time, I won't get pushed that far down the mountain. But I know better. I am never pushed. I slide freely down, making sure they all get what they need in spite of myself. I give until I am broken and useless. Pray that I have learned my lesson, that this time it will be different. I am stronger now, not much, but a little is better than none at all. In this case anyway. Older and wiser too. Well, older anyway. Don't know if that is a good thing exactly. Wish me luck, I need all I can get.