usually when i start writing something (more or less philosophical; but this time is less), i tend to become nihilistic, renegading my own specie or putting down an entire list of fucked up facts that i don't agree with. i don't want to do this tonight, boys , girls and undecided creatures from out of space! i would like to pretend that for some moments i actually live in my very own version of Lala-land, which is not necessary full of pink ponies with butterfly wings jumping around jelly and muffin castles. i try to keep it obscure and real, so i don't find myself one sunny day tied up in a mind relaxation establishment.
once i found myself in a dark depression, thinking that my life is rubbish, emotionless and the things that i love doing never got to be done. i thought that shit was more splendid that i was, that my persona was as blank and powerless than untouched snow and i was colder (as a human being in relation with other brothers/sisters of specie) then snow. than my friends don't deserve being around such an ungrateful asshole as I, the writer. but the reason that i was such a dumpster of all crap human sentiments was because i was allowing myself to make a really big deal of the nothingness that was happening to me (which was the simple fact that i was alone and refuse to talk to anybody) and thought that the feeling of not feeling anything is never going to end. then i made a very stupid list, which was also a very pretty list of the very pretty things that i love about my life and about being a part of this planet, century,etc., etc. first were only the general things, like music, arts, places on the globe, ice cream, blah blah blah, but afterwards the list got personal, i started to feel stronger and i wasn't a stranger to myself anymore. (i'm not going to say what those things were, everybody has their own list.) i always thought lists are lame, especially when they are done to help you make a life or death decision. but in my case the lamest thing on Earth helped a lot. sometimes is good to want to have something tangible, so you won't be left only with "hm.. i wonder what's gonna happen next?".
we shouldn't take to much time of our days to think about the awfulness of this society. but ignorance is not an option ,either. we shouldn't become obsessive with the cruel history and preach everyday about it (people will find us boring and stay away from us). but we shouldn't pretend it didn't happen and continue the mistakes. we shouldn't accuse others for their faults and the consequences of them, forgetting about how it is to be human. but we can show others how the mending of things starts with recognizing our own mistakes. we shouldn't abandon our powers and live in adoration of gods that we can never reach and could never care less about our existence. those people we see on tv or about whom we read full of thirst are less powerful and less genuine then us and somewhere somehow are other things that we should start knowing about, because they're more interesting.
my fantasy of Lala-land is somewhere were laws are not against anybody, were everyone is living by the laws of the red cross, sharing possessions, cause they're all perishable and they don't worth dying for...something like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b7qaSxuZUg. i know, a bit cheesy. but that's my Lala-land. if you don't like it, you can imagine your own...
it's an insane world we live in, let us not forget. but it's the only one we have (if we are not really big fans of fringe), so let us not make it worse then it already is. i try to go by the rules that i wrote in the 3rd paragraph, not only because it's a good way to be in society, but it's the best way to keep your minds all together. i try as well to sing less under the shower because i have a disturbing scary voice. so i let myself listening to good music. or i love watching films, but i figured that if more then 5 years pass i don't remember anything from the motion picture, but i remember the soundtrack. so i prefer books. to write sometimes, so that i won't forget what's happening in the story.
oh! yes! and weed is legal in my world...
love and affection, theBlub34.
PS: it's the best when you remember. it's the best when you forget.
PPS: i think i'll have a break of posting, but i'm sure my big fans won't start crying...
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