It must be done

[PrttyBrd]

An inherent fear of being selfish has shaped a severely skewed existence. How far is too far to bend in the wrong direction, and who's to say which is the wrong way? I have found these times to negate the usual course of things in my life. A, more than determined, third party has twisted the norm and rendered me unimportant, for now. I am grateful for this change. Whatever torturous course of action is taken, it is I that will suffer gladly for every extra moment.Yet, in suffering for this cause, I must ignore the life I built and those who love me may not understand. I have sent away the beautiful distractions to concentrate on the task at hand. I am sad and broken, but this is all I can do. There is no decision to make, for there is no real choice. Whatever reaction, whatever possibility, I will trudge through it all for the possibility of time. How am I supposed to just give up and let things be. Am I to let one suffer to humor the other? It is an impossibility. An extra month, or week, or day or minute can mean the difference between a fighting chance and a broken beginning. The latter is not an option, not if I can help it. So injections of man-made concoctions and happy accidental side-effects of breathing shots, pills that barely work as directed, and regular trips to confounded professionals are my lot in life for as long as it takes to make this a success story.However, history and impatience are working against me. Regaled with daily horror stories, I cannot find peace. I have been lucky in the past, but doesn't luck always run out at some point? That is my fear, that I cannot change the inevitable. With closed eyes I see the future. Depending on my mood, the outcome changes. I have never needed perfection. I will take what I get and run with it and be happy for what I get. Whatever the outcome, we will all be fine, even stronger...maybe. It is not in me to give up when the fight is not my own. I'm not fighting for happiness or positive outcomes, for I have no control over the end result. I fight for time and I will fight to the death for every second I can offer, for every minute or day or week. I fight because I must, because only I can. I fight because that is all I can do.