Or maybe I am just flirting.

[TooManyIdeas]

I only get the chance to work with him once a week and I'm really liking the connection between us. I find myself looking forward to that day, despite it being a long, late night. There is just something fun about getting to know someone new in a completely one-on-one environment...and then discovering that we really understand each other. He gives me the giggles. But are they the nervous giggles of a dangerous flirtation or are they the sounds of pure comfort. I think the latter. I don't think I am someone with whom he would ever expect to have struck up a friendship, and I think this is making him wonder just a little bit about where this is leading. We're at the "swapping mix tapes" point, but could we ever go out after work together, just to relax or listen to music or talk about philosophy together, without it feeling questionable or even just a bit too hot? Could I get together with his friends to jam? Would I be putting myself--my ADHD rock-n-roll self--into a dangerous place that looks like a bit too much fun to pass on?

Am I worrying about some societal mores here, or fearing that I will impulsively want to disregard a few rules for the thrill of being part of something new. Over the years, I have been 100% faithful, and I plan to stay that way. But there have always been those times when I have enjoyed a few rather shameless public displays of flirtation--like dancing with a friend at a party, knowing that some real passion has flared between us that could not have been invisible to others...that sort of thing. In the end, it has always been my husband who has benefited from my libidinous nature. This is different because it is not in front of anyone else. No witnesses.

I know I need to keep it where it is right now. At work. Once a week. Where no other impulses can get in the way. Also, I would not want to give him the wrong impression. Though if nothing else, I am sure he is surprised and maybe even a bit amused at the idea, if it has occurred to him--and yes, I think it has. Even if I am old enough to be...on my goddess! I can't even say it! I guess, I'll just keep bringing home the benefits...
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WOW...that was less than a month ago and I have moved so far beyond worrying about mores! That was a crazily oversimplified and inappropriate way to see it. It is so outside of that societal realm...