The Train

If I weren’t so old I would know better

But I am without a sweater in all this cold weather

The flies buzz around this lit cigarette

Remarking nice ashes nice ashes my friend

I wait for the train that never comes

Waiting for someone to touch me again

Make me feel alright again

The zeppelin in the sky is dropping little messages tied to balloons,

One pops and lands at my feet it states,

“kill yourself before you get too old”

I wonder how I would do it

Make ribbons run over my wrists

Or fall asleep with fifty pills in my guts

Telling me why again have I come to this despair?

The ashes make faces at me

Smiling

I grab a torch and explore the tunnel

It is long and deep and no one comes down here

I find a photograph of my mother

Smiling

Everyone is smiling but I can’t find my teeth beneath all the fleshy blobs of my cheeks

I can’t smile anymore

I taste the lime coated with sugar

And wonder if in death it will taste as sweet

But all the ice cubes are melting between the weeds

And the drinks are never as strong as I need

The mother came to me once and could change shape

Into all different types of animals

Smiling

If only I could change shape

I would become a wolf and run wild into the night

Leave all this behind me and be free

But I can’t so I sit still

Trying to smile

Waiting for the train that has yet to come

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