If I weren’t so old I would know better
But I am without a sweater in all this cold weather
The flies buzz around this lit cigarette
Remarking nice ashes nice ashes my friend
I wait for the train that never comes
Waiting for someone to touch me again
Make me feel alright again
The zeppelin in the sky is dropping little messages tied to balloons,
One pops and lands at my feet it states,
“kill yourself before you get too old”
I wonder how I would do it
Make ribbons run over my wrists
Or fall asleep with fifty pills in my guts
Telling me why again have I come to this despair?
The ashes make faces at me
Smiling
I grab a torch and explore the tunnel
It is long and deep and no one comes down here
I find a photograph of my mother
Smiling
Everyone is smiling but I can’t find my teeth beneath all the fleshy blobs of my cheeks
I can’t smile anymore
I taste the lime coated with sugar
And wonder if in death it will taste as sweet
But all the ice cubes are melting between the weeds
And the drinks are never as strong as I need
The mother came to me once and could change shape
Into all different types of animals
Smiling
If only I could change shape
I would become a wolf and run wild into the night
Leave all this behind me and be free
But I can’t so I sit still
Trying to smile
Waiting for the train that has yet to come
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