after living in exile, after closing your eyes to me
I even wrote scenes where I re-emerged boldly
and bearded alive with eskimo eyes
new baby on my back
but I didn't count the fact
that I have ghosts in my mind
stowaway great ghosts of my life
great ghosts of old wives
and they're howling
so I spent my wilderness time
rolling on the ground
pulling my hair
wrestling them off
yelling at no one
punching snow
I gathered ghosts and I gave them my lecture
bid them away
I pleaded and cried
there's no room in my life for you or your howling
let me undo these ropes
and go on living without you
not just change where I live
go on get, i said
I had my hopes of how I would be
after sending them off
after getting set free
but there's no such thing as living
without their prowling
as you can see, having descended the hill
I still look like me, I still wallow like Phil
and forever will
I'm teeming with ghosts
and I'm still whining for wives, unknitting my brow
but now I've surrendered
in fact i've joined in
you can hear us howling
Phil Elverum
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