thoughts - Blogs - w.a.s.t.e. central

Walk into a roomThere lies the new oneThere lies the one who has your heartBlink and all's forgottenNo scars to hint of painNothing left but happiness to gainAnd so you hold on and you're heldEffortlessly there is more room in your soulDays so readily wastedJust looking in those eyesMelting the outer shellThat took a lifetime to buildIt is so easy to love you

Voice of an Angel

Posted by PrttyBrd on September 29, 2009 at 7:00pm

Chasing time results in immense frustration
Frustration that culminates in pain
The sweet sound of an angels voice
Such release to be had
Eyes closed as the music hums
Melting stress on its path to the soul
It crosses all barriers
It comforts the lonely
And it soothes the sad
It reaches through the core of emotions
Grabbing what happens to exist there
Holding fast for a ride to wherever the music will land
Accompanying melancholy through to brighter days
Smiling within
Absorbing the pain
And leaving things better than when it began

I suppose this is my little thank you to Mr. Thom.

What Have I Done?

Posted by PrttyBrd on September 2, 2009 at 1:35am

Reflections of self in othersPainfully, reality slapsRealization of needed changeMore patience, more patience,MORE PATIENCEThe residue of stinging words lingersMaking it hard to breatheThere is no escaping self-induced consequences

An Egg Story

Posted by PrttyBrd on October 27, 2009 at 5:30pm

After 7months of hatching and growing and feeding these hungry things, yesterday we had an EGG! Woo Hoo! So excited, I'm doin' a jig!!! Upon hearing that we're going to eat said egg, my 4yr old clutched it lovingly & cried, "No! No! we can't eat the baby chicken!" while sobbing. It was so sweet and touching and cute and really quite funny. It took all I had not to giggle at his sweetness while holding him and trying to explain that not all eggs grow into chickens. Unfortunately, he already knows what roosters are for :o)Though this is a kid who can eat scrambled eggs for days, the processes of seeing his chickens become parents has nothing to do with food, even though he knew we got them to eventually get eggs. I dread the day we dress one (eat one). After he was done talking to the egg it was his brothers turn. Once it got back to me, I promptly put it in the fridge.He got over it, for now. But I feel so bad, and I'm still so excited to finally have that first egg that truly I can't wait to eat it.

Choice

Posted by PrttyBrd on September 1, 2009 at 7:22pm

Steam rises from the tar on a cool night, like restless spirits trying to escape. The air is thick and barely breathable. The shadows sway in a breeze that does not blow. The night can play tricks, but no more than the mind. Trust what is seen, or trust what is felt? Trust nothing. There is no sound. There is no light other than the moon. Yet, even that likes to hide behind the thick clouds. The question is, to proceed blind or to remain stagnant? Too long a wait will result in its own decision. Everything has consequences, especially fear.

A Gift

Posted by PrttyBrd on September 1, 2009 at 7:08pm

I give to you a gardenComplete in every wayA mixture for the sensesTo ease the pain awayI give you all the flowersThat grow throughout the yearA blanket that is petal softTo wipe away the tearsI give to you a rainbowColors so brilliant and brightTo brighten up your spiritThrough the darkest of the nightsA world of wonder awaitsThough it is not mine to giveI promise I will always tryAs long as I shall live

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Posted by PrttyBrd on October 23, 2009 at 5:26pm

Tracing the thoughts with a fingertipLining the clouds with silverPresent feelings from past mistakesProof that change is goodPerspicuity from a lazy dreamThoughts like jumping beansBouncing off of shady cornersWaking what lies in quiescenceScratching light into the darknessWith a stretch and a yawnFolding what was into what isForming what will be

Remembering Evil

Posted by PrttyBrd on November 15, 2009 at 6:30am

Tiny pieces of youLinger in my very beingBurning embers of brimstoneSulfur fills each breathI stop to smell the rosesThey turn to ash at my touchAt you within meParticles spread as I cough you upMultiplying in the airDancing with joyAt their new-found freedomTiny pieces of youRotting my soul and eating my gutsBurning pinholes in my brainMemories burned awayShadow of pain still sore, still rawLingering, lingering, lingering

Freedom in Raindrops

Posted by PrttyBrd on November 15, 2009 at 6:35am

Two feet in front of you Is all you can seeSheets of rain and distant thunderLightning cracksPelting raindrops sting the skinHead down walking fasterFreezing waterHot airSteaming sidewalksCan’t breatheEyes burning with salty tearsThe perfect camouflageNo questions askedNo explanation neededThere is freedom in raindrops

Broken and Beautiful

Posted by PrttyBrd on October 23, 2009 at 4:45am

I know youI know you because I am youI see myself in your eyesI wish I was who you believe me to beI wish I knew me like you know meYou trust because I have proven to be trustworthyYou believe in me because I have yet to let you downYou love because you perceive the good in meI am not evil, but I am not perfectFlawed and broken, am I still beautiful?

To be free and fabulous

Posted by PrttyBrd on August 30, 2009 at 8:30pm

Not so long ago the slightest thing would induce physical signs of stress. Rushing around for the benefit of others trying to fit an unkempt world into the seemingly hardened schedules of others why I ever bothered trying, I'll never know. The most harmful to me was the migraines and high blood pressure. The most harmful to my family were my increased crankiness and ever-shortening temper. Now, however, after real crises, after sacrifices that were mandatory to save the innocent, well, the rest is not at all important. Not to me anyway. I'm sure those with their organized little lives will hate me just a little for my new found lack of concern for their parameters. But hey, these things happen. We all have enough burdens to shoulder. There is no need for any of us to be strapped with rules imposed by others just to make their lives easier and to hell with our own. If something is late, the world will not end. If I can't bake 60 homemade brownies for a bake sale with just a day's notice, well, be thankful that you have 40 from a box mix and shut the hell up. We can only do what we can do. We will always let someone down. If people have unrealistic expectations of who they think we are, they are only setting themselves up for disappointment. Those who love us, know how we are and love us anyway. Those who are getting to know us have no reason to push us into what they want us to be.I have freed myself from guilt and it is just lovely. After years of trying not to give a crap, it took something enormous to allow me to just let it go. I had wanted to for years. I mean, who wants to give a crap about every stupid little thing? I had begun to hate myself for being bothered when I couldn't get everything done to the specifications of others. But no one else really cared if I was perfect, just me. Talk about wasted time and energy, geez. I used to suck the joy out of just about everything (in my own mind anyway). Now, it is pleasant to experience the little wonders of life when you're not bogged down with what is "supposed" to be getting done. Who's to say how things are "supposed" to be anyway. I have never claimed to be perfect, and I will probably always want to be better than I am. However, if I don't have the time to devote to everyone else's cause, oh well. I will volunteer when or if I can. I will no longer fill empty positions that take too much away from my family, just because someone needs to do it. I am not the only capable person out there, and though I wish everything ran as smoothly as possible, it isn't my sole responsibility to make it so. It is strange to think that not so long ago, just that very thought would make my stomach knot up. It feels good to prioritize life according to my actual priorities and not have things convoluted by others.I was trapped by my desperate need to avoid being selfish. But taking time for yourself in order to keep your sanity is more of a necessity that anything, and choosing family needs above the needs of each individual is easier on a per situation basis. Not everything in life is equal and try as I might I cannot make it so. I'm still getting used to this new outlook, but i am thoroughly enjoying the process. Let's face it, when Mom is happy, everyone is happy. (works for me: )

You Are Not Me

Posted by PrttyBrd on November 15, 2009 at 6:23am

It is only human to expect others to handle situations, as would you. However, being that sometimes even you surprise yourself, aren’t you just setting yourself up for more disappointment?People shouldn’t be thrust into the parameters of those who see them. I suppose it’s that whole “do unto others” thing. But just because you do unto them doesn’t mean anyone else will. Should you change? The simple answer is, no. Just see people for what they are and not what or who you want them to be.Perhaps your time is better spent trying to be the person you wish you were (kinder, more patient, more forgiving), instead of wishing others were different than how they are. Don’t love them any less because they are not perfect. Just don’t expect them to act outside themselves. Take them as they are.We are who we are. If you don’t like it, focus on bettering those parts you find particularly dissatisfying.Nuggets of inspiration or impossible ideals; I suppose time will show who will emerge from behind the walls of shelter. Funny how those walls that were built to keep you safe from harm seem to let all the old pain fester as there is no way for it to escape.

The Right Thing

Posted by PrttyBrd on November 15, 2009 at 6:19am

A storm is brewing in the airA tempest on the horizonMisery is up on endAnchoring itself to fightPins and needlesIn the eye of the stormCalm is all but fleetingBlack skies ensueAs fear climbs over barricadesWhat to do? What to do?Preparations are uselessBarreling through wallsRipping through the strongest willReduced to childrenClutching at the breast of mother earthVying for positionAfraid to give up the easyIs there one right path?There never is just one right answerLightning strikes again and againSame place, same placeMelted souls of hopeful doubtAll or nothingBlack or whiteRight or wrongIf only life was like a sunny shore

The Day After

Posted by PrttyBrd on September 25, 2009 at 10:47pm

Like water off a ducks back, the smile returns. The next day all is well, as if it never happened. There is no denial, but there is also no dwelling. A lesson I wish I could learn as I continue to ponder things incessantly. Resilient and strong in spite fear. Quiet and hopeful and grateful for a good day. I am at ease in the knowledge that despite appearances, he is truly stronger than I could hope to be.

At 18

Posted by PrttyBrd on September 23, 2009 at 4:49am

At 18 you are not who your parents perceive you to beAt 18 the mistakes you make are yours aloneAt 18 you learn life's lessons can be brutalAt 18 you think a broken heart is a mortal woundAt 18 you don't know who areAt 18 you have dreamsAt 18 the world is yoursAt 18 you CAN do anythingAt 18 you can be who you want to beAt 18 you can make your own choicesAt 18 set backs do not defeat youAt 18 you are freeAt 18 there is always time

The Good Fight

Posted by PrttyBrd on August 18, 2009 at 10:28pm

Though the act itself is a miracle, of sorts, does the struggle to succeed make it a blessing too? Is a bond born in pain stronger than one created in bliss? Is love stronger when you have to fight for it? It seems odd that it would be so. Yet, that is how it feels. When you give of yourself, when you sacrifice so much and you are rewarded in yields of unfathomable proportions, it truly does seem so.

Alternate Reality

Posted by PrttyBrd on June 4, 2009 at 9:28pm

Open eyes can see as it all floats far awayThough denial runs deep even in the face of self-realizationStanding still in hopes that a small part will lingerVisions of yesterday's happiness shade today's shameDifferent hues can tighten the squeezeSmall bits of who you thought you were run outLost in the vast nothingness that has taken holdTwisted views of reality skew the mind against youIn a good moment there is peaceToo quickly forgotten, too quickly lostSearching to find a shortcut back to who you want to beRealizing in darkness that maybe, that never existedWondering if in this so-called truth lies the reality of othersIs this who you are?Is this who they see?You can choose to live in the worst thoughts of you,Or believe in the best version of yourself

Escape

Posted by PrttyBrd on June 4, 2009 at 5:20pm

Tie-dyed psychedelic swirling thoughtsMid-day nightmares tied in knotsJagged edges of broken mindsUntamed beauty so unkindHoney sweet and sappy placesCharcoal eyes on empty facesInside ugly seeps through perfectionBlocking daylights warm reflectionChasing nothing standing stillRaining brimstone breaks the willHeld fast in place by testimonyIndecipherable real or phonyUndependable instincts and cloudy visionInhibits any and all decisionsHand-mixed daydreams light and creamyCandy coated happiness, all is dreamy

Weightless Longing

Posted by PrttyBrd on June 4, 2009 at 4:56pm

Weight of the worldBroken shoulders and cracked spinesLong run consequencesShort run blissWhat's right for nowOr what's right for laterGood for oneOr good for othersRubber arms cannot balance the sidesToday's frustration swallows tomorrowDelinquent youthIntolerant with ageRules or freedomIs there freedom within the rulesIs tomorrow forever tainted by mistakes from todayPerhaps tomorrow is tainted by things further in the pastThen again, could that be where true liberty liesLetting go of bad choicesLiving with the bed you made by accidentDo accidents really existIs there even a pathMistakes that matter need not be ones ownBuried under a world of nothingnessIt matters to no one but you

In Side

Posted by Curtiz¤¤ on August 13, 2009 at 3:00am

Spin Spin Spin Oh Wicked Wind-Dark falls beneath you-Beyond its earthly grin-When morning rises and evening sets-Love will live with no regrets¤¤c

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