A million multicolored lights and 10+ lbs of stress. I think I'll decommission my stress to weight indicator. Phew, there, now the holidays will be that much more jolly.
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I love the fact that all the boys are grateful little kiddies. As they ran around today with all their new little playthings, I was warmed to see how elated they were. I suppose I was worried that I couldn't give all that I wanted. But we must be doing something right. They were thrilled and happy and excited. I am a proud Momma. They drive me nuts, but I wouldn't trade a second of it, not one. I'm all excited because i finally got some good pictures of them. The oldest refuses to smile for the camera. The joy of Christmas is truly a magical thing.
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There is peace in the still night airDeep breaths reveal the crisp and undeniableNo frigid breezes to freeze the soulA temperature that reads trueIf only people wouldCovered swings and night owlsSilent but for the sounds of natureSoak in the surroundingsNotice what you never seeThere is more good than anythingThere is beauty in the darkness that shadows createReflections of the moon highlight the mind's eyeFocus on what cannot be seen or revel in what canPerception, so fragile and temperamentalYet, there is peace in the still night air
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Snuggle bugs and smiley kissesJumping beans and wide-eyed blissToo soon we will be reminiscingAbout those carefree days we missHand in hand you share the wonderThere is awe in every dayDelighted squeals of understandingDo your thing and come what may
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A treasure trove of giddy smilesSaucer eyes in awe and wondermentBelly laughs and screeches of excitementUsually I hate shopping, but today, the little ones saw the first Christmas displays and I found some happy of my own. Instead of feeling like the Holidays are being crammed down my throat in these harder than usual times, I found joy in the eyes of my children. Who knew, that today, errands would be fun?
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An amalgamation of thoughts compiled into pages of evidence against you. Proof that you are, in fact, insane. Leather bound and beautiful lends an air of importance to the otherwise mundane. Self-imposed inhibitions dull the colors of delight. Faded hues of happiness no longer resemble its own essence. When did this phenomenon transform into acceptable losses? Years of dreary monotony have begun to erase the memory of rainbows and spring breezes. Searching for something...else, something more than what is seen. Torn, always, between fulfillment and the needs of others. Is it selfish to focus on yourself for a moment, if for so long the focus has been on those whose lives you touch?
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Logic is fleeting where emotions are concerned. When you are a logical thinker with an emotional baseline, you are forced to live with a certain duality that confounds life exponentially. Even the simplest things seem to warp into a fog of irrationality while trying to reconcile the two halves. These particular sides of self seem diametrically opposed. While no one sets out to make the mundane parts of life irreconcilably difficult, at times it cannot be avoided. Then, of course, comes the dilemma of do you follow logic, or your heart.
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Fancy bows and pretty paper cover empty boxesA gift with no name never meant to be openedA hollow secret held tightly with invisible tapeEyed in passing by all, but noticed by noneAppreciated for its perfect wired ribbon loops and crisply creased cornersNever intended for close examinationFor if rattled, even slightly, it's secret would be uncovered
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Wasting away between here and thereNo destinationFloating in the murky waterBlurred lines with no path to followA tug of war 'tween hearts and mindsBusy work, busy work, not busy workingA means to an end with no end in sightDecisions made while uninformedVision skewed by a past yearning to be forgottenEver present in every shadowed cornerEmotionally aching beneath the surfaceLonging to run to a place where there is true freedom without fearDoes such a place exist?How can one calm the chaos without if there is no peace within?
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I’m amazed at how television seems to have decidedly desensitized a nation to the horrific nature of a seemingly useless war, glorified editorials of the mundane daily lives of our soldiers overseas. A footnote of casualties and some highlighted individual tragedies-turned-feel-good stories of a few sent home.It’s war and I can believe those sent to do their duty make the best of every minute they have. I can’t, however, believe that the media is ramming that down our throats as the reality of this war. We are shown instances of what the others did, but it feels like a justification of why we are there, rather than objective news.The way this war has been portrayed is shameful. It is not a “feel good” story, it is barbaric and, at this juncture, over the top. I feel like we are bullying the world. It nauseates me. I’m tired of hearing about it. The politics of war are ridiculous. We teach our kids to play nice and stand up for themselves not stomp the weak into the ground and then pick their pockets. I am truly sickened.
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Old friends and warm heartsLong time no seeOut of sight but still in thoughtsLife changing alterationsTime-tested yet ignoredA link to a lifetime agoRemembrance of innocence, of fear and of truthRelationships forged in pubertySurviving adolescenceAnd latching on strong and trueLike a bulb long since forgotten under the soilA bit of sunshine bears a beautiful flowerBrilliant yet somehow familiarUnexpected surprises brighten the dayThe heart hangs in that peaceful placeBetween who you thought you were and who you think you areThat place that lets you see yourself how they see youThat place that, for a moment, lets you believe you are amazingThere is happiness in those instances when you are outside yourselfBriefly embracing the possibility that your roles do not define youThat there is more to you than you can seeFlying high above a warped sense of selfThere is peace and a feeling of truth in othersTrying hard to hold on to the momentRemembering and believingIf that can be done, the rest is easy
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Shades of gray pave the wayTo a rockslide of moralityHonesty; when it gets you somethingLowered standards make the gradeSubmission no longer requires a beatingConsequences be damnedVillage idiots rule the worldSilenced massesHopeless and witheredBlinded by conformity
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Perhaps letting someone peruse the pages of my little book of crappy thoughts wasn't the best idea. Now, with the passing of time and no word, I can't help but wonder if the ugly that I puked onto those pages made her run for the hills. Didn't really think I was that scary. Who knew?I would say that this will churn itself into even more useless wasted ink. At least I use recycled paper. Woo Hoo!!!
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Three hours of talking outside myself has left me slack-jawed and stupefied. Do I really love the sound of my own voice? I think not. Sometimes a mind just needs to pour off the excess in the most accessible fashion.
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From a chrysalis to a butterflyAs her wings slowly unfurlHer colors emerge, brilliant and beautifulPatterns so mesmerizing;It is almost unimaginableWhere did she come from?Where will she go?To see her becoming is ethereal.A child as any other into a woman so amazing she glows from within. Britlie, my niece, my joy, and my hope. I love you.
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Too wired to sleepToo tired to functionFoggy days and sleepless nightsWhite noise nightmaresCareless slips of the tongueJagged expressionsFaceless othersGliding by outside yourself
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Posted by PrttyBrd on September 30, 2008 at 8:00pm
Ever-changing plansClueless frustrationHe said, she saidNot really caring either wayYour frustration sounds like condescensionAnd feels like crapMy imitation confidenceShatters at the thought of your barbed words
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Posted by PrttyBrd on September 19, 2008 at 7:00pm
So much to do, yet drawn to the ethereal glow. Behind closed doors it beckons, calling out in silence. Trying to walk past, is an exercise in futility.Darn the computer age.
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