sometimes you feel that you have come to a point in life when it's time to make some profound and severe changes and somehow this seems to be one of those times. not always are these changes for the better but only created to give life a turn, to cut off loose ends and to find interest in something again, and meaning.
of course I am not going to commit suicide, I still have things I am fond of and that mean something to me. I guess. but recently everything seems to fall out and lose shape and importance and I feel neither joy nor interest for things that used to delight me and give me comfort and strength.
as so many other people, I have well laid plans for the case that I should really find that it is time to end this life. mine include a rental boat, a warm sunny day on the ocean, valium and insuline, and a mp3 player. I don't want to die cold.
but it's not time yet and until then I think I will drag myself along and instead of waiting for something to happen will free myself of things that burden me, at least as far as it is in my power to do so.
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