That little empty piece that echoes in the cornerIs screaming like a siren...again.Not enough time to steel againstThen again, is there such thing?Life in absentia was never intendedReality and intent rarely coincideWords spoken, yet seldom understoodFour days seems a lifetimeAs history repeatsMore notice, give more, take moreRealization and guiltThe pressure builds involuntarilyHeavy shoulders, broken backsAnd a forced hand
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If only I could laugh.Not a chuckle or giggle, but a belly laugh like a child.A laugh that frees the soul and eases the mind.A laugh that takes away the pain of ones own thoughts.If only I could.It seems that the weight that has been thrust upon me is stiflingCan barely breathe beneath it all.To toss it from my shoulders and fill my lungs with the smell of life.Perhaps then....If only I could...
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The look in your eyes has changedA slow, steady metamorphosisYour gaze lingers where it should never beYour smile tries to cover nervous eyesEyes that betray the truthA truth that dare not be revealedYet, remains barely hiddenBeneath the guise of friendshipNeither place nor time could change what isNo desire to strayNo desire for causing undue painOnce calm and easyNow unsettling, nerve wrackingDon't say the wordsLet the friendship remain, as all will passDon't do it, begs a silent screaming mindAs in slow motion, it beginsThe heart sinks as time seems to freezeInterrupted by circumstancesSighs of relief, and sighs of disappointmentOpposite sides of stressAwkwardness and the inevitableHave been avoided thus farShould it be ignoredOr should the wounds be salted by honesty
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Claustrophobic tendencies in fields of fresh airThe mind closes inThoughts swirl like tornadoesKicking up remnants of past mistakesNeeding to forgetForgiveness is irrelevantBits and pieces of wrongs lingerHiding in corners and underneath happy thoughtsConsumed with the crises of othersNo time to dwell on what was, or what is, or whyLonging for a lazy afternoonKnowing that, alone, shadows can overtake the sunWaking moments spent fighting to remain in the lightSleepless nightmares color the daysSweetness and light, sweetness and lightThe few who know can tellClueless remain as suchEvery day is a trialYet, it is a fight unseen, unheard, and unheraldedSneaking up like ghosts often doShivering chills and uneasy feelingsThoughts constrict ability
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Expected pressures have evaporatedYet, nothing has changedAbsorbing the surroundingsYields no motivationThe insipid breeds slothOnce enveloped with the weight of naught,Suffocation seems imminentSelf-indulgent nothingnessThe weight of one's own world is crushingSitting idle and allowing it to happenIf ever action was needed, it is nowBefore the personal lassitude gives credenceTo the mass indolence that is too quickly becoming commonplace
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Reflections of days gone by and hopes of yet to comeWhat could have been is a worthless waste of selfTurn and focus on the lighter, brighter side of dreamsSee the unbreakable will, the determined and the strongBravery in moderation will build confidenceThe one that always lifts high is the one to hold on to
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A whisper on the windPushed to the fringes of thoughtClawing at the edges of the mindA feeling of things forgottenScattered thoughts scraped togetherLike pieces torn from different picturesTears in the subconscious let in lightAn image in a flashToo little too late
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A step toward a dream I dare not believe inTossed by the wayside an eternity pastNow aged and withered, renewed by fateFrightened by failureBut finally longing to be heardRelease the turmoil into the airPerhaps helping others along the wayHope long since chased away by pain, returnsSlowly creeping through the darknessReflecting light, however dim
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Frustration takes hold with no warningVenom spews forth unprovokedPictures painted with acid tonguesHearts burned by thoughtlessnessBlood simmers and pressure buildsUnreasonable and unfeelingRemorse comes too late
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Someone else's tragedyStill feel the painTo fathom the unthinkableBrokenhearted accidentsWell wishes and many prayersTortured with guiltA life changedMany lives changedPain and consequencesStupid moves and bad choicesSympathy is all there isTime has stoppedDivided forever into before and afterBiggest worries seem insignificantEffects will linger a lifetimeConsequences to be determined
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Pushing pills on infomercialsWrinkle creams for the young and smoothDetox liquid enemasGod's elixir of purityEveryone has the powerBut sleepy minds will buy the rainbowScary lures and lost savingsHeartless money hungry selfish societyPrey on the weakTear them apartBuy Buy BuyThere is nothing good on TV
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A fool am I to think to be noticedNoticed by a mind so beautifulA fool am I to dream to be noticedWasted time and daydreamsA fool am I to hope to be noticedBy those who matter to so manyA fool am I to wish to be noticedBy one who matters most to me
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Heartfelt and openunthinking wordskindness to strangersNo apparent reasonMoved by othersinspired to speakEveryday oversightssignificantly insignificantA finger touches the soulfrom unknown placesThough nothing really happenedthings are somehow differentTo my new friend, thank you for your kindness and the strength I found in your words. I had forgotten what it feels like to make a difference to someone, no matter how slight it may have been. It is so easy to go through the day wrapped up in everything, blinded to any possible side effects. I feel good, and if you read my last blog post you'd see that today that seemed an impossibility. A truly heartfelt thank you, once again.
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IncineratorIt is curiousHow now demolished landmarksOf roaming memoryStill triangulateThe form and structureOf my now adult dreamingTo a place where all the cities' rubbishUsed to get burnedAll the fetid ragsAnd rotten black bin bagsIn a huge concrete buildingWith a pneumatic claw on trolliesFurnaced until their fickle flightUp that tall sulphurous chimney.I sometimes sit behind heavy rivet glassAnd operate the controlsAnd sift through the smoldering detrietusPulling out the charred remainsOf mangled old bmx bikesHoping one day i'll findmine.
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Old friends and warm heartsLong time no seeOut of sight but still in thoughtsLife changing alterationsTime-tested yet ignoredA link to a lifetime agoRemembrance of innocence, of fear and of truthRelationships forged in pubertySurviving adolescenceAnd latching on strong and trueLike a bulb long since forgotten under the soilA bit of sunshine bears a beautiful flowerBrilliant yet somehow familiarUnexpected surprises brighten the dayThe heart hangs in that peaceful placeBetween who you thought you were and who you think you areThat place that lets you see yourself how they see youThat place that, for a moment, lets you believe you are amazingThere is happiness in those instances when you are outside yourselfBriefly embracing the possibility that your roles do not define youThat there is more to you than you can seeFlying high above a warped sense of selfThere is peace and a feeling of truth in othersTrying hard to hold on to the momentRemembering and believingIf that can be done, the rest is easy
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Shades of gray pave the wayTo a rockslide of moralityHonesty; when it gets you somethingLowered standards make the gradeSubmission no longer requires a beatingConsequences be damnedVillage idiots rule the worldSilenced massesHopeless and witheredBlinded by conformity
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Three hours of talking outside myself has left me slack-jawed and stupefied. Do I really love the sound of my own voice? I think not. Sometimes a mind just needs to pour off the excess in the most accessible fashion.
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From a chrysalis to a butterflyAs her wings slowly unfurlHer colors emerge, brilliant and beautifulPatterns so mesmerizing;It is almost unimaginableWhere did she come from?Where will she go?To see her becoming is ethereal.A child as any other into a woman so amazing she glows from within. Britlie, my niece, my joy, and my hope. I love you.
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