poetry (148)

Returning

Mistakes... Be careful. Be ready. Do not disturb my surface. Begging for bread do not stand too close this mistery tree. It's clearly above you. You should never let them go away, but now you just can care only about yourself. So beg for bread, but not too loud. If future comes, where will you hide?

* * *

I woke up. It was late. Anything I laid on the positions was lying on them, but flying around in my eyes. I had my coffee and cereal. On an old tree outside a window birds were singing their morning ballad. I came back to bed. Hide under the pillow. Fell asleep again.

* * *

I wish you not to be too close the answer, when you'll have to return. I wish you to be not too close the answer, when you'll have to return!


So... Well, writing in foreign languege is even funny, when you don't know it good enough and don't use a dictionary... You just write what you hear in your head, without wondering what does it mean... This is like writing music... /Above you see some parts of my brain. Words inspired listening to Radiohead all the time. This is called Returning, I don't write about myself, never! When you made a mistake, you just -sometimes unconsciously- turn back. I love this process! Don't think bad about this, I'm young, have to learn much more./
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An Ocean of Rainbows (a haibun)

Alone in a sea of the most colorful people. Rainbow dotted horizons andsparkling reflections of joy. Amazing view of happiness, of what itshould be, of what it could be. Standing atop a rock in thisocean. Searching for the unknown. Waiting and uncertain.

Passingby in waves
Ebbing and flowing in time
The tide will soon turn


Green-eyedmonster tickles toes. So many cries of glory and elation. The cluelesslinger atop a rock. Unseen or unnoticed, unloved or unwanted, or justunintentional and unrealized. Isolated by fear of falling. Afraid ofthe unknown. Afraid of breaking. Afraid of the ocean and awash inmelancholy to see it pass.

Toe dipped in slowly
Takenout to deep water
Left to drown alone


Confined tothat space. Safe from all who are unable to scale those smoothwalls. Unwilling to drop a line without a safety net. A smile witheach thought of "what if", seems like happiness from afar. Seems likecontentment, Seems like a mirage.


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Over the Hill

How old is too old

To let your dreams be your guide

To allow yourself the freedom to soar

How old is too old

To change your own direction

To put your eggs in a different basket

How old is too old

To hold on to possibilities

To run toward to good

How old is too old

To trust in yourself

And let go of fear

How old is too old?
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Worth a Shot?

I do have one dream left
One that I hold onto in silence
The one that I know can come true
The one that I keep hidden
There is that one.
Then, there is doubt
Crippling so it is
It prevents that first step
Fills my mind with fear
Is trying and failing better
Than holding on to the hope
Of what could be
So I blindly, and silently
Dipped my toe in the water
It was warm and welcoming
Though I am still paralyzed in doubt
Never to be free to put my soul in
Never to be free
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For the dreams of others

Building dreams and desires
In a brick and mortar house
It is too easy to get lost in the upkeep
Fixing what breaks takes time
Encouraging the future gets shadowed
Leaks and cracks come first
Fostering a sense of self
In house full of others
It is too easy to get lost in the people
Others with more pressing issues
They seem to take precedence
Sick littles and bills due
A life full of maintaining things
Does not bode well for dreams
There can be no example to lead by
Hard work and diligence
That can be learned
But dreams are lost
The biggest cheerleader in town
Since it is all can be done
Dreams lost to a life drowned
In the upkeep of the everyday

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On Deaf Ears

Clouds roll in and thunder roarsTears, they fall in rageburning rivers down the faceOf the once innocentHumanity ripped from soulsThe heartless riseThe careless lingerWhat was once is no longerWhat should be, never wasIneffectual wordsCounting down to nothing
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I See the Rain

Gray skies and broken rain

Sliding down the windshield

A lifeline ever-changing

droplets, in contact they merge

Yet, some sit lonely, isolated

Only to be sucked into the paths of others

Left behind or swept away


As I sat it the parking lot watching the rain on the windshield, I wasreminded of how much it reminded me of people, of life. There are somedrops that sit stagnant, almost like they are afraid to move. They areoften alone. Though, at times they are grouped with others when,without warning, they separate as one joins the crowd and leaves theother longing. A little shove from one nearby and the journeycontinues. Sometimes there are many drops running alongside. Othertimes the seem so tentative that they could be motionless. They cantrickle slowly or rush to an unknown destination. Where there are twostreams nearby, it is difficult to tell if the larger will devour thesmaller, or if the smaller will draw life from the faster flow, thusreigning it in. It is never the same path twice. So many similaritiesand so many differences. It was beautiful and a bit sad. I'd still bewatching the drama unfold, had it not been for me getting swept away bythe crowd.

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Damaged

It's in the blood and taking over, this feeling undefined. Moving through veins like lightning. Taking sanity in burning bits and pieces. Trading hope for function. Stagnant and murky still seeking the sun. Time stands still as it rushes passed. The view eternally slightly askew seeing through those eyes. Tainted and etched with salted tears.

Broken down and cracked
There's no shelter to be had
Time and space collide

Nothing left. No hiding places. Exposed to the universe, alone just the same. Shoulders soaked through and soggy, gone to dry in the sun. Far away, the sun shines brightly for them. For those who think they are whole. For those who feel the fire, yet are not burned.

Sulfur in the air
A storm of brimstone ensues
Hell is found on Earth

Feared by all. Belonging to no one. Falling to the depths in isolation. Longing to be enveloped without fear. To feel warmth without heat. To be wooed without woe. To be naked, exposed, and free, no longer tethered by a past that was never meant to be. Scars should fade but are still found bleeding. The heart lies bare in exsanguination. The soul struggles to clutch the tiniest speck of heaven.

Like a broken wing
Mended hearts may not fly, but
Love can make it soar



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Light is Overrated

Bright and shiny
Pedestrian views
Glare induces migraines
Simplistic bands of nothingness
Almost too painful to watch
Pushed beyond painted lines
Crossing into...nowhere
Where is the dark and twisted,
The interesting and obscure?
Turn the lights off and feel the way
Touch the cold steel
Delight in the balmy breeze
Experience...everything




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Until Next Time

It has been ages since eyes have fallen upon this place
Walls, once hard and cold, enveloping like a warm blanket
Soaked in intoxicating aromas
Enticed by the softness, the stillness
The slightest shift is alluring
No voice to be heard over the racing pulse of time
A deep breath and a sigh speak volumes
In silence and darkness it is left forlorn, desolate, and longing once again

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On the Horizon

Cold sheets on warm skin
Embers smolder deep within
Contemplation, undecided
Ruminating unrequited
Marble swirls, icy glare
Reflections of a lonely stare
Perfection personified, lovely face
Flawed and human, full of grace
Lashes long, strong full lips
Elegant hands, soft fingertips
Glide across in satin touch
Electric shock, it proves too much
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Journey to Nowhere

I can see a happy life
I can see you
The path is strewn with ancient wreckage
Scars of Hell burn here on Earth
Over/under, not through
Never through
Churning, churning
Unrecognizable
The plan
Was there one?
Is there one?
Don't have one
Opinions drizzled on like hot fudge
Melt my bones
Pictures run
Round and round they go
"Ashes, Ashes"....
Then Hell on Earth
Release, Release, Release
The cauldron bubbles in my brain
Clawing talons cleave the flesh
Flesh rendered from within
No one notices without
Burning skewers holes in the mind
Oozing memories of lies
And howls of fear
Maddening, deafening sounds of long passed
GET OUT OF HERE
It is etched in gray matter
Screaming out in pained silence
All is well
All is well
ALL IS WELL!
Off the track
Bumpy road less traveled
Forged alone
Wrong direction
Wrong choices
Wrong life?
No choice, did not choose
Pebbles of hope cause a landslide
The hear runs out the mind
Reflections of inadequacy
Searing blindness
NO NO NO
Surrounded by oblivious masses
To be loved, yet not known
To be heard, yet not understood
Life had lead me
No steering
No guides
No breaks
Extended beyond myself
Dependence
Did not aspire to that end
Aspire?
Aspire!
There was a plan...once
Brainfreeze
Anguish
Plight acknowledged
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The Thought Alone

Cool breezes in blowing hairFeeling your skin growing cold in the airKnowing more than you thought you knewThinking of all you should never doIs it really that easy to do what you wantWhen there is a chance that the guilt can hauntThe conscience is strong but the will is weakSitting alone with a tear stained cheekWorried about what ifs is no way to liveLetting things go, it's so hard to forgiveNothing has happened, no plans have been madeSitting here crying alone in the shade
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Makes no sense

Through the thunder nothing is heardA shadow of a voice imprinted on the mindThe wind howls and masks their screamsCan one's own mind be trusted?Not in search of, but finding odditiesThings that seem senselessThey fill the crevices left in dreamsThere is no help for the silentMind tricks and slight of handSay the words and life is lightenedOne load at a time
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A Day at Home

In the middle of the afternoonDeeply entrenched in a rutSurprised by the lingeringBy you hanging aroundTrudging through to the endProves difficult indeedNothing getting doneBeing watched in slow motionBeing pulled to other thingsYanked out of the rutJust to be thrown back in laterPlaying catch up is not funBut getting the eyeYes, it is a nice little surprise
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All or Nothing?

Trying so hard to reach a goalBaby steps feel like failureFailure turns into painPain begets more painStress dilutes happinessHappiness is fleetingA glance here and a smile therePerhaps it can melt away all the uglyPerhaps notWill the world end if things are left unfinished?Everything to everyoneIt all seems so realIs it?How can it be so?No one will run if it is left undone"No" is not a bad wordNo need to fearNo place to hideThe soul can be freeJust let it go
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Lingering

The faded dreams roll in with the darknessLike a whisper in the nightTransported to another time, another youSurrounded by those who used to love youBy those you will always loveHeartbreak and odium upon awakeningLost in the midst of then and nowKnowing what was meant to be isMourning all that wasn'tPreoccupied with the past, days seem heavyRidiculous waste of resourcesYet, it ebbs and flows like the tidesCreeping in, unwanted and unwelcomeThankful always for innocent mistakesGrateful that no one can read your mindMissing bits of who you wereWhile trying to love who you are
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There's Always Tomorrow

Gray clouds block the sunIts rays struggle to shine through the cracksWill the sun reign and blue skies prevailOr will the black thunder bring lightning strikesTime takes foreverAnd the rain begins to fallThe sun sets unnoticedNo beauty reflected in the rainbow skyThe moon now hidden by the stormThe night is black and chills the soulWindburned cheeks hold on to tearsThough the wet is quickly driedThe salt lines remainRemnants of sadness and lingering painFor once the heartbreak is for othersTo see their losing battleTo watch it play out from the sidelinesHelpless to change their pathTheir journey is their ownYet the heart is still brokenThe laggard storm clouds slowly scatterThe moonlight shows through just before dawnThe sun unceremoniously begins to rise
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