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At the bottom line,
Your eyes, so strange.
Such dilemma,
No safe way out.
Trapped in your gaze,
Slipping away, unconcerned,
Haunted eyes, wandering,
Take a chance?
Love me again
Unrestrainedly
As I live and breathe.
Blindfolds, no regrets.
Hard hearts, no rejection.
Eyes shut, no colours.
Heavy hearts, no pain.
The two of us will never be.
You and I never were.
Together forever, my love
We'd be in agony.
Love me again
Unrestrainedly
As I live and breathe.
How do we live so we don't pass away?
How do I leave so I don't fade away?
How do we stay without drifting away?
How do I follow without losing my way?
In your eyes, I'm crying.
In my heart, you're dying.
No cold no warmth,
Staying would be a mistake.
The two of us will never be.
You and I never were.
Together forever, my love
We'd be in agony.
Love me again
Unrestrainedly
As I live and breathe.
© 2016 Ey@el - lapensinemutine.eklablog.com
optimistic thinking:
-I was attacked by wild horse in Morocco, but I wan'st trampled to death and I didn't die from the incident and over all I had a pretty good time there...the markets are craaaazy.....as long as you avoid the snakes on display everything is OK !
-Friends dying all over the place, left, right and center, they were mainly aquaintances and people I didn't know, still sad but not life shattering.
-My mom almost got deported to South Africa, got detained in Greece
and she was sent here to me in Italy to figure out what to do. good news she was sent back to Canada and everything turned out fine!
-MY Dad Died ( just one weeks notice to fly there and say goodbye and see him die) at least I got to say goodbye..and see my brother and sister again...
- Just to come home to have My Rabbit DIE!...my rabbit was sick anyways...it's better he died sooner because he was suffering and the vet was getting very very expensive and demanding.
Leonard Cohen died, at least he lived a good life and made an amazing record before dying...
Don't have any sex drive what so ever....go figure...I'm masterbating all the time and learning how to please myself better and even learning how to squirt. haha
...even better to not mention at all...
what was I going to say...
oh yes!
AND TRUMP WAS ELECTED!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
but, optimistically thinking........
NEXT YEAR BETTER BE BETTER I wish trump have a 180 personality change along with all those idiots who elected him...fingers crossed really HARD!!
with all that said...I may still wear black for the rest of my life...but...how can that be a bad thing...jonny cash did it...so...I will to too....
X
Oh and ! David Bowie !!! is a true Space Man.... and now.... every time I look at the stars... I give a little wink for him ;)
people greet eachother everyday,
"buon Camino"
and they ask
"why are you walking the camino?"
usually I replied, "...because...I just felt like walking"
People told me many things, and people walk for many reasons. I never told people the real reason why I was walking...I don't think they told me either...but we all walked (or cycled) all the same. Didn't matter how fast or slow or our reasons why.
What we learned is for us, those lessons are for us individually alone.
What I remembered was the morning....watching the sun rise. Being a bit afraid to be alone...tagging along to wait for fellow pilgrims going ahead to give myself the illusion not to feel as if I was really as alone as I really was... afraid of the wild dogs I heard about....afraid of the dark...still.
the mornings and the evenings were my favorite.
watching the curve around a bend after walking so straight for so long that you think the landscape may never change. how grateful I was to see a bend in the road, a tree, a mountain, a stranger...anything new! ....after everything had been the same for so long.
There is a lot of time and space to think and that's what i wanted. that's what i like. I had my broken knee and people told me to stop walking because of my injury, but I only had a month to complete it, how could I? so I turned my pain into a meditation. I learned the most from that.
some man told me that the constellations in the sky align on the road and that is what truly makes the camino sacred and special. as for myself I'm not sure what I believe about it...all I know is that...
...that road felt like a life -time for me....and it changed me.
one man told me my future under a tree and another man told me my past lives and how to meditate and understand mysterious symbolism through architecture and pictures.
I climbed alongside a thorn bushed covered rock face over a river and found a sacred cave.
I cried the whole day before I reached Santiago because I didn't want to stop walking....
and when I reached Santiago I rejoiced.
this is the only 'dream' I had while I was wide awake.
I was working in an art re-production warehouse for this guy named Sid Dickens. I liked the job because I was able to listen to music, meditate, and create. the repetition was perfect for me. it allowed me to practice meditation in a whole new way. I did a lot of experimentation while working. One day I meditated on love and prayed over every tile I painted. I meditated on love so much that I felt high, and a woman actually called into the warehouse and said that she had a spiritual experience from one of the tiles she bought. I don't know if that's funny but I laughed because I just couldn't believe it. Maybe prayers work after all I thought to myself.
There were a lot of fumes in the warehouse and I never wore my mask so I'm sure this daydream was because I might have been partly high. non the less it was the only and clearest vision I have ever had while awake.We had a communal CD player that each staff member would take turns playing what they wanted on it, and while I had this vision I think it was phillip glass that was playing.
what happened in the vision or 'dream' was this:
I was transported to another place completely. I was standing by a body of water of some sort, maybe a lake, and there were trees, weeping willows I think, and the wind was blowing the branches across the water, and the ripples the branches made on the water caused an effect in the water that danced in a beautiful way. it was mesmerizing. i watched the trees and the wind and the water for some time and then this man appeared. this blue man riding on a type of deer. it had antlers, but it was unlike any deer from this world I have ever seen before. it was beautiful and so was he. the deer was painted in beautiful colours. he rode up to me and jumped off his deer ( no saddle or reigns) and he was naked, although he didn't seem to be, and it didn't seem abnormal that he was, and out of a pouch he carried with him, he pulled out this type of flute and started to play this song...I can't explain what he was playing because...it was...everything...it was like he was personifying the wind the trees the flowers the earth...he was speaking for everything...and I listened to this song for some time, not sure how long. then he came up to me and looked me in the eyes...and while I stared into his deep dark eyes...I saw...the entire universe unfold inside them. the entire universe was inside his eyes. it scared me but not in a frightful way, in an awe inspiring way...one that leaves you speechless. something you both understand and do not at the same time. the kind of things that can only make sense in dreams and visions and when you try and explain it to someone it doesn't make sense any longer. he spoke to me with his mind. without speaking.
then he brought out of his pouch a small container. he opened it. inside was some sort of paste. he gently took the paste from the container and started to paint my face. it was both cold and hot. he painted my face and his. first his and then mine. I don't know what I looked like, but he painted his face with white and orange, so he was this beautiful combination of blue orange and white. almost like a tiger. after he painted me he invited me to ride on his deer with him. we rode through fields of beautiful coloured flowers until we reached a waterfall overlooking all the land...it was spectacular to look at. then we watched for a while without speaking...he was explaining many things to me, but we never spoke out loud, he said everything to me with his mind, and it was all about nature and how things work and what things really are...and how to really see and be....and he brought me further. he took me through this land ....all through valleys and mountains...this beautiful land, and we travelled for hours and hours. I saw many many beautiful things. until he took me to this type of house on the top of what I guess was a type of cliff.... but this house was entirely outside. it's hard to explain because nothing like this here exists. only the bedroom was in this type of "cave" but the opening was so large the whole sky was exposed. there was this type of bed and I layed down looking at the stars, because now it was night time...and before I slept he fed me some sort of wine and some sort of food. and before I went to sleep and closed my eyes he told me, 'when you fall asleep here you are awake in your world, when you sleep there you are here with me'....
when I closed my eyes in the blue mans world and fell asleep the vision stopped and I was back in the warehouse painting tiles.
I spent a whole day there with him...but when the vision stopped it was only maybe five minutes.
I tried to "imagine" back to be there and to see so clearly what I had seen..but I couldn't.
...as much as I wanted to go back...I wasn't allowed.
I felt really....confused for the rest of the day, but mainly light headed...and literally high.
I think things like that just happen once...but...who knows....I've never had that vision again......
but I think often of the blue man, my lover that holds the whole universe in his eyes.
X
But I'm a crepe
On a window
What the hell am I doing here ?
I don't belong here...
To wake up on a burning stump
Holding the smoking wheel
Of the knife in a field of crutches
Where your paper gown trembles
At the end of a drove that files
Beneath the shadow of the dice
Where the great shepherd rakes
The head of a fly into the ash
Of his drum, humming the song
Of the vale and a million boots.
here's an invite!
I love Radiohead.
I love Radiohead.
I love the way your music makes me forget.
I love the the way your music makes me think.
I love the way you music makes me feel.
I love the way your music silences the noise.
The endless pitter patter.
The dreary melodrama of everyday life.
I love where you music takes me.
I love how it slows my heart.
The calm.
A soft subtle love with a gentle kiss.
A deep look with a smile.
A soft touch.
I love Radiohead.
c
Happy to be here
