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All is Naught

All is naught the combinationTo my heartLittle do i see.So much i forgetBegging to be caughtBut they leave me on theCorner Snapping my whipPiece in my handBlowing to the topSave me from the cliffsPushing me forward nowGive me the lessonsTo move me along this fragileTrail all will be for naughtI have a way of ignoringThe factsAll i have this vomit i spit upAnd a nagging coughAlthough they try to getInEveryone has a way ofJumping offLeaving me naughtIf only someone had theThe same numbers thatMatched my heartAll alone,im all alone countingWhat i have and its NaughtSkipping silver dollars acrossThe pondI fill my pockets with rocksso they cantSteal away and it carries meSkimming on the bottomTo the other side where iWhere they push me off I get offThe current carries me toFree fall off the edgeOf the mapThe river called meI was bound by my thoughtsAngels lead me to whereThe man could notAnd I forever count naught
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All is naught the combinationTo my heartLittle do i see.So much i forgetBegging to be caughtBut they leave me on theCorner Snapping my whipPiece in my handBlowing to the topSave me from the cliffsPushing me forward nowGive me the lessonsTo move me along this fragileTrail all will be for naughtI have a way of ignoringThe factsAll i have this vomit i spit upAnd a nagging coughAlthough they try to getInEveryone has a way ofJumping offLeaving me naughtIf only someone had theThe same numbers thatMatched my heartAll alone,im all alone countingWhat i have and its NaughtSkipping silver dollars acrossThe pondI fill my pockets with rocksso they cantSteal away and it carries meSkimming on the bottomTo the other side where iWhere they push me off I get offThe current carries me toFree fall off the edgeOf the mapThe river called meI was bound by my thoughtsAngels lead me to whereThe man could notAnd I forever count naught
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November 9th: or After the Scene of the Accident

To wake up on a burning stump
Holding the smoking wheel
Of the knife in a field of crutches
Where your paper gown trembles
At the end of a drove that files
Beneath the shadow of the dice 
Where the great shepherd rakes 
The head of a fly into the ash 
Of his drum, humming the song 
Of the vale and a million boots.

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Crying.....

Please tell me, that I am not the only one who cries whilst listening to True Love Waits? This song touches me deep deep deep in my soul!
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I

I love Radiohead.

I love Radiohead.

I love the way your music makes me forget.

I love the the way your music makes me think.

I love the way you music makes me feel.

I love the way your music silences the noise.

The endless pitter patter.

The dreary melodrama of everyday life.

I love where you music takes me.

I love how it slows my heart.

The calm.

A soft subtle love with a gentle kiss.

A deep look with a smile.

A soft touch. 

I love Radiohead.

c

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Playing in the backgroundThe voices merge into oneAnd the world was rightThere Is no place to hideIn darkness and in lightShe can pick you upOr tie you downWhatever the moodSmothered poor little manYour gonna have to put upFight if you wanna surviveTired of being weak and shyObserved and deniedEvery goddamn timeSo hard to step outsideI'm monitored,measuredOverly critical measuring mySteps Like they were milesFocus less on selfI will crawl to surviveAnd to cover my tracksLong sleeved all the timeWake up make-upDismiss the factsCause it's easier to buryMyself than put myselfOur there so easily attackedSo I hide.so I hideLimping off with a mixedUp thoughts never knowingWhat I can do to bring a littleNormalcy into my warped mindShowing my teeth and breakingAll ties only my illnessSurvives to defend itself whenPut to the test and it lets meDown every timeBite by bite
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           Hello everyone! So this is a follow-up post about the white vinyl edition of AMSP. I received the edition in the mail last Wednesday and I must say; it is truly worth getting! The tangible artwork, opaque white vinyl, and quality of the sound all contributes to this limited issue being a work of art itself! I strongly suggest getting it while there are still some left! Discogs.com reports that only 123 are left so if you want it: now is the time!

Here is the link again if you are interested:

http://www.bullmoose.com/p/22654850/radiohead-moon-shaped-pool-white-vinyl-2lp

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Once your head liesA brutal romanticWalking with chaosDelete ing even wellKnown influential kindsswept minds they areCan never ever decideThrowing their fists upFlip that switchHold onto somethingHold on for dear lifeNo ones walking a lineNo one is on the plankJump,bounce,joinor decay rapidlyShattered minds placedPlaced In suspensionThis is how we playRecoiling from the slapI deserved it no doubtcomplaints are neverAddressedIt would be a startHolding out,for how long?No food,no waterHow long?how longUntil the predators arriveLet me be goneLet me be goneEaten alive eaten aliveMy mind screams out
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Once your head liesA brutal romanticWalking with chaosDelete ing even wellKnown influential kindsswept minds they areCan never ever decideThrowing their fists upFlip that switchHold onto somethingHold on for dear lifeNo ones walking a lineNo one is on the plankJump,bounce,joinor decay rapidlyShattered minds placedPlaced In suspensionThis is how we playRecoiling from the slapI deserved it no doubtcomplaints are neverAddressedIt would be a startHolding out,for how long?No food,no waterHow long?how longUntil the predators arriveLet me be goneLet me be goneEaten alive eaten aliveMy mind screams out
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Once your head liesA brutal romanticWalking with chaosDelete ing even wellKnown influential kindsswept minds they areCan never ever decideThrowing their fists upFlip that switchHold onto somethingHold on for dear lifeNo ones walking a lineNo one is on the plankJump,bounce,joinor decay rapidlyShattered minds placedPlaced In suspensionThis is how we playRecoiling from the slapI deserved it no doubtcomplaints are neverAddressedIt would be a startHolding out,for how long?No food,no waterHow long?how longUntil the predators arriveLet me be goneLet me be goneEaten alive eaten aliveMy mind screams out
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I don't know why I keep coming back

I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Maybe just a void to yell my chaos at in hopes that it will curl itself into some sense. I move sluggishly through life, immune to pleasure, my brow permanently furrowed in some nameless anguish. I give myself a headache from scowling too much. I'm not sure what's wrong, everything and nothing all at the same time perhaps. It doesn't really matter, I will die someday and all this pain will mean nothing. Every time I try to strive for something greater, my stupid brain comes along and dumps poison all over it and turns it into decay.

I remember myself a year ago, so hopeful and optimistic and naive. I feel like a shadow of her. I can't seem to do anything these days. I open my email and stare blankly at the screen until the words all squish together in a haze of responsibilities and obligations and guilt. 20 minutes of that is enough to make me want to curl up in bed and sleep for the rest of the day.

It's easier to cut and run and cut and run and cut and run than to deal with the pile of shit I leave in my wake everywhere I go. Yes I suppose I should fix myself, or I could spiral deeper downward in search of a purer and more distilled form of torture. At least maybe then I'll have something to write about, haha haha. 

I hope nobody is reading this but I doubt it. Actually I guess I do hope someone is reading this. I wouldn't push it on anyone but if they happened to come across it I wouldn't mind. I found out my old roommate came across my journals while we were living together and took pictures of them so he could read them at his leisure. Not sure how to feel about that but I guess now all the cats are out of the bag and I can't pretend I'm not a depraved and heartless monster anymore. I've quarantined myself so I won't inflict me on anybody else. I've placed traps and constructed walls so nobody will get in. 

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NIGHT LOG

I toss all night on the sleep of the lakeSighing into the dark pane of its stoneThe last storefront has finally closedTheir fry chef folds his curtain of ironOver its Golden City as my ear rakesThe last hour into a pile AgainI’ve lost the point of counting sheepAgain the black sail of my thoughtSplits the same paddle against the shoreI toss all night on the sleep of the lakeThe clipped nail of the moon continues to climb
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