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- To throw our shit away
- Hang our pictures
- Unpack our boxes
- Connect our wires
- Find the stuff we misplaced in the move
- Do our laundry
- Organize the many things that need to go in storage
2) To fill in for me at home, while I go off on the road and have some fun again.
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And I’m not one to take risks.
At least...not in the usual sense.
It’s a question of trusting my voice,
My always-good intuition
To see what and who are real.
Why should it suddenly fail me now?
For longer than we’ve even been,
It’s been testing me and feeding me truths
That carried me roughly down this winding path
Of experiential art to share
And of knowledge of good and evil
And the relationship between the two
That fits so sweetly between me and you
O.K., I think you got my point,
And I shouldn’t second-guess.
I’m right
And you’re biting your lip right now.
Starting to tremble, into me.
There were no colours on the trees this year. My piano, somewhere on the world.
"I woke up and I found you
my personal rainbow."
Drank all my coffee, had my hair washed. Reckoner.
"We're faceless. You cannot attack us."
Cut our lifes like an old potato. Seperate. I'm alone here and I'm talking to my cat.
DIET OF WORMS.
That was years ago. Or, so it seems - though it's just been a year since we last spoke.
Since then, everything's changed. She stopped calling, didn't answer any calls or messages. She replaced her old and good friends with new, shallow ones. She started living a life we would never have expected her to.
This girl started skipping school for weeks, and instead she went to parties in the middle of the week. She started coming home late during weeknights, she didn't want to listen to her parents and obey their rules. Eventually they threw her out and she had to live with different foster families. She started doing drugs, living in a dream world where everything was perfect and nothing mattered, though her world was actually about to fall apart and it wasn't that perfect as she wanted it to be.
I keep wondering, what happened to her? I read her blog every once in a while and it hurts to see what's going on in her mind, in her life. Her "friends" come and go, she lends them money but she's not getting them back. They steal her clothes and sometimes even her cell phone and everything in her purse.
I want to help her. But thinking of the way she started acting towards me and everyone else before she suddenly stopped keeping in touch, makes me take a step back, and just watch the insane film playing. I'm a spectator, watching a play, among lots of other people who are laughing at her. She's like a monkey in a cage, and people throw rocks at her, spit on her. I feel sorry for her, though I know I can't help her. Because even if I tried, I'm not sure she'd actually listen to my advice.
So I can just stand here and watch the poor monkey in its cage. Among the others. Those who are laughing, throwing rocks and spitting.
In short, chaos embodies three important principles:
- extreme sensitivity to initial conditions
- cause and effect are not proportional (!)
- nonlinearity
If this does not describe us, nothing does.
Next time I'll travel I'll make sure to get holidays in a place colder than home (not that it would be easy, but still) so I won't get sick when I'm back. Or maybe I should have settled in a warm place.
- If you want to do what makes you feel good, be sure to make other people feel good too.
- Bending rules is a lot different than breaking them.
- Revenge is a dish best served never.
- Give others your time, before you lose yourself in it.
- Teach love and the joy of indulgence by example.
- Stay present. Try not to let your fantasy life intrude upon time spent with people you love.
- Be honest with yourself and others...as much as possible. Honesty unhinges fear.
- Fun is of the essence, but at no one's expense. Indulge in your own health!
- Is it really true that what they don't know can't hurt them?
Ponder your true intentions and reaffirm your commitment to upholding them before proceeding. - Know that if more people really loved themselves, the world would be a much less annoying place.
I love my excesses. I love the fact that I want things I am not supposed to want. And that I seem determined to get them.
I am enjoying my own wrongness within a righteous world. The thing I want is love and the expression of that love.
I guess the demon in it all is that as I pursue this love, I may be pushing other pre-existing love and beauty away. Not my intention.
And I am doubtlessly making myself very very vulnerable to possible hurt in so many dimensions.
OK. Got that, Dear Diary?
