I am not finished yet.
The Wrustien Manifesto.
The Cause of Cancer.
I embody the Tao.
I am an orca.
I am an omnivore. I never want to give up. I never want to die. Every so often I feel bone tired, exhausted, weak and weeping, but there is always more, an entire world, an entire universe. I need to expand my borders not enclose them. I need to ask questions and comprehend the answers. I need to open my eyes again-completely naked-vulnerable and exposed, but not exploited. I am always more, I am always surviving, one step further, one heart wrenching in-breath grip on terror teardrop further. I need the elation of fear and hope, the escape of fantasy, the grace of forgiveness and the ever present blessing of family. I am still alive. I am still wildly alive, amongst all this rapturous silence. I am a scapegoat. I want to study the alchemy of regeneration.
This is hell.
It is one path to follow morals and laws blindly without question and completely another to come to an understanding of those same morals and values through personal experience as to whether or not you yourself agree or disagree personally.
I do not agree with stealing but I am a communist.
I do not agree with emotional sterilization or intellectual privatization but I need money. I think in gestalt.
My education should include all avenues of thought in as far as my society is incapable of my advancement. I need to be constantly challenged and exposed, in many ways. Ignorance only leads to corruption, manipulation, and destructive masochism of self. Violence. I am wrathful. I will always seek what is prohibited. In order to become an adult, one must be exposed to many different theories, philosophies and expectations. This is crucial. The Vampire will rise or fall to the expectation placed upon them. I am an objectivist. This is not to say that there is to be no enjoyment in labor but that the labor should be stimulating. I know money is a barrier to intellectual development due to the fact that transportation and housing are priorities to comfort. Is it possible to incorporate advanced study without creating societies based upon demeaning menial labor forces? Is it possible to develop a world where no one is a slave and everyone excels in their potential by choice?
What causes addiction and depression in modern society?
My addiction and depression result from lack of stimulation. What is possible to avoid these symptoms? I have wallowed in self-denial and deception. I tell white lies. I am earning white teeth.
In order for me to develop into an adult I must seek the truth. I am an adult legally but am I an adult mentally? I am not yet capable of supporting myself financially.
Truth is the most important fundamental expectation in the development of the Vampiric race which is based upon Egyptian philosophy. When I lie intentionally or am in self-denial it replicates upon all those exposed to agree or believe in me. I pursued exposure in order to understand what appeared to be withheld from my own personal development and in so doing developed an addiction to deceit in order to perpetuate my exposure resulting eventually in my decay of character and loss of self. This is supplemental to my personality based upon defiance, the only expectation I had once placed upon myself. I believe that the boheme which is the delta of Truth, Love and Beauty can be reached through the evaluation of Honesty, Passion, and Self.
My desire to learn was crippled by a lack of exposure advanced by my society and as a result I became masochistic and hypocritical of myself in and of my actions and of others, resulting in constant dissatisfaction. I broke the law of the government and chose to become involved with illegal intoxicants. American ideals of success and satisfaction are entirely misplaced in that honesty is often mistaken for cruelty and weakness is fostered-emotional sterilization through constant acceptance and compliance. I am diagnosed bipolar. I committed suicide. I know that strength of mind, strength of heart, and strength of character result from success, understanding, survival, and truth. I am a child built on endurance and I do not believe that love will save us; I believe that ingenuity and truth will. I am a Republican. I am a philosopher queen. I name myself Rhye Wrust and my philosophy is to be known as Wrustien.
A few examples from Wrustien philosophy:
“Invoke the raw and eliminate war within the self.”
“God is the touch within the ripples.”
“The girl who cried rape and the sensual orgasms she inspires.”
“I am a blizzard.”
“Fray the ribbon.”
“Barbie never owned a soapbox accessory.”
“Softly breaking the law.”
“In truth we trust.” Should adorn our dollar.
I should have followed my own advice in the beginning and not have been so placid and altruistic in my acquaintances and friendships. Loneliness is no excuse for tolerance. If I want to live, I must learn to protect myself. I am psychic and telepathic.
Education.
The North is razed liberal. The Eastern Invasion (All my friends were vegetarian Indians)-Psychic warfare, parts of America were so heavily affected that Stockholm syndrome caused advanced amnesia-this is a war for our minds. The teachers I experienced psychically turn their students into satellites to further their own political agendas. Psychic warfare, corruption of self and truth occurs from unsterilized education.
Politics have no place in education.
I was born my grandfather’s dog.
I am Lucifer’s prized songbird.
Is it the fault of America that other countries do not uphold, regulate and protect their own legislation? Is it right to cripple one country in favor of the damage done to another? I sympathized in empathy to the point of self-destruction and betrayed myself, my family, and my ideals. I am American. Americans should work to develop other countries through support rather than war then the world should reach a point of ground zero cease fire in the interest of all. All countries should focus on internal development rather than international plays for power and those that can assist another should but should out of choice not out of post-industrial neo-colonial altruistic guilt. Vampires as one race need to be fully aware of the truth of their own endangerment; we are not hormone driven adrenaline junkies. We are intelligent and emotional beings advanced in our wisdom, knowledge and relations. Freedom from oppression derives from truth. I should not diminish myself in order to understand failure which is exposure to diverse ideas but I should aspire to reach my own potential in order to achieve success. Exposure does not have to result in exploitation. Surviving exposure, recognizing weakness, and recreating the self, hence evolving is what I become not what I was or who I am.
Shift of Self Awareness and Focus.
The Self is dynamic.
In order to survive I must be highly adaptive and dynamic otherwise I will fall prey to the sands of time. I cannot cling to the past. I must move forward voraciously and refocus who I am. I am a being not a car to be possessed as I have been told by an Eastern philosopher. I am my body. The East psychically hits the West stealing our minds while we rest. The memories I have of myself predate within my adolescence due to the fact that I often did not feel like myself in my adulthood. I felt isolated, entrapped, and alone-locked within my own body. As a child I had one night terror about insects that made my room appear static. I am a Vampire. Where do I come from? Insects consume and reproduce. Am I an insect? I dreamt of incest with my grandfather as a baby.
I fucking hate head doctors. I am currently committed to Chippewa County and am seeing a Psychiatrist. I alone am responsible for my mind and body but I have a maker and many lovers who take responsibility for me. I am Carthage.
I love passionately and the objects of my affection and desperation are and always will be my own and the divine mystery of life itself, including the Earth but not limited to it. I love my own existence. I meant for these changes to occur, I simply pursued both my shame and suffering to a conclusion of masochistic destruction and denial in an attempt to preserve myself from myself. This is heaven, the denial of self and nature. I can relinquish the past and embrace the future without reaching a suicidal point of destruction either for myself or for the Earth. I want my own apocalypse. This is Karma and the power of positive thought.
I am healing myself now.
I know I need help.
I regret.
All of this that has happened to me is a result of my ancestry. I am American. My legal name is Rhael Joy Laramy. I am my mother’s daughter and my father’s bastard. I am glad I became a Vampire and that the temptation existed. My own personal mysteries persist. Why am I the way I am? Why am I this lucky? My dreams, visions, art and poetry drown me in what I cannot understand occult within me. I long to live within hone impact my nature in such a way as to release a passion within myself that I am prepared to comprehend. I now focus on control due to the fact that I do not believe in dualism but instead hold fast to my relativistic relaxed perspective of reality.
I sacrificed everything I was for a rush and a challenge. I am as strong as I think I am.
I am a black Nazi.
I am Satahnic.
I admire Hitler. Hitler instituted a system that eliminated decay.
I love decay.
I am a Jew.
Love and forgiveness for the Bible tells me so do not excuse poor behavior and poor choices. Action is the only way to redeem oneself. It is far more productive to tread lightly in silence along a mountain than to wreath yourself in violence at the foot of an avalanche of callousness. Vampires are immortal. Vampires are born. Heaven and hell exist as incentives, but also exist as spiritual places of consciousness acting upon the physical body in very significant ways. Attack a person psychically or spiritually and you attack them significantly physically in the real world affecting the mental and emotional state of the person, influencing their personal choices and limiting their freedom. Mental disorders result from such actions of attack and guidance. What is the nature of spiritual war? Between countries? Why isn’t protection and awareness taught to adolescents in school?
What is the purpose of evol? I become evol when I am hated. I need acceptance and love.
There are many Gods who possess the power over life and death, and there is only god which I define as the ripple of existence. There are many Architects and their laws are not always obvious. Never break a law you do not understand. Never break the law of an Architect. Do I agree with this previous statement-if the structure has a weakness is it meant to fall? The laws of God are the laws of the Architect who designs the structure of Earth. Is Satahn but one God or one Architect whose reality I explore? What is an angel?
Law. Law. Laws. Lie. Lie. Liar. Laws and liars result from fear and lack of trust. To become an Architect one must first be the child of one. I am a child of Earth. I am a fox. I do not believe in democracy in order to defend myself as a whole against those who would consume my individuality.
I am an old poet.
I am a newborn musician.
One Day.
Neon outline skeleton dinosaur stood upon the frontlines of sand the lovers gripped each other tight humane embrace and pitted polka dot spiders hiss hiss until I am driven mad to suicide but I daren’t jump from the rock face itch itch I open my head to inhale the spider and twinkle into the bucket another plum and tack sitting in the lotus position until I become brave and walk away through the foliage jumping the metal fence I receive a hug from my maker and it starts to pour magenta spotlight from the focus of mine eyes and I see spider webs in the shadows hide in the pools of light to save myself from terror while I become soaked and explore my foreign campus.
This is heaven.
Forgive me forgive me I cannot swear enough at the innocent amnesia and betrayal it is never enough for this shameless being to end so young and so old I seem only beginning against to see just past my notes.
I always talk to strange and familiar voices and long to keep my anger intact and hold on to honesty which is the veil gracing truth. In heaven the endless basketball courts seem to wait next to the chapel where everyone sings and worships in a Catholic manner. The doorman offers me my black socks. I steal a child’s shoes and fall from the clouds to earth as another school bus arrives full of children. I wonder when the skies will turn blue and free this sad dreamer from her rotting tooth.
I use tools of purification. And I purify myself through thought.
Sleepless nights full of worry for the ones I love and once knew are like heavy chains of metal that remind me of you.
I am a naturalistic conservative.
I am a hopeless romantic.
I am an artist.
I am curious.
I draw arabesques.
I am red.
I am an inkblot.
I voted for the antichrist.
Heartache.
When you touch that beautiful doll and feel the tug of the heartbeat you stole does it remind you of me? Does the dull thud strike uneven in your unmade mistaken mistress? On this side of the fence the grass seems green with envy that all I am belongs to someone else’s playboy-cowboys who crucify me, lockjaw me, and hang me out with the dirty laundry I hung within my self-defense-self-demise-I am one you would want to know.
Will Power.
Never think of the devil, never speak his name, he’ll steal my tears and whitewash my sorrows until I have forgotten my very name-a slave trader by day, mystic magician of bloodstain blackmail-twist and limit the body gutless fish swim through frost heartless beasts of red eyed pawns-fawns who bear fangs and claws-burden the children who dare to break all of Abrahams laws of God. Free Will is the only law of God I respect.
Never take for granted the gifts you possess-my body is beautiful and intricate, my spiritual self-complex and I should never for any reason let another take from me what I am because it is my gift and my burden to support, my purpose, my reason for existing, my will to live. This is what makes me Vampire-my heart, my mind, my spirit, my innate truths and memories.
My soul has burned and become a ghost, my mind ruins my best intentions yet I feel most alive in the freedom of lack of doubt. The spirit is the heart and will, it is not its own entity-it is the combination that channels through the blood and asserts itself, defends itself, speaks, winks, dreams. It is my spirit that hungers for the intimacy of another’s touch. It is my spirit that feels empathy, compassion, and longing. When I listen to my ghost weep I feel regret for the beautiful creature I am becoming.
The soul I purified was a result of a personal tactile grip on New Testament Biblical fundamentals. Why did I choose to let a Vampire kill my soul? The temptation was arrogant and brave. Do I know the truth of what I am becoming? There is caution aired in the wisdom of my elders yet heed it I do now. I am young and as such test all of the boundaries I can without realizing that boundaries offer protection and not enslavement though the latter is often felt. The choice is not prohibited, the choice exists and in order to understand my choice I must announce myself to you.
America is incredibly sheltered and I was naïve in thinking I could control and fight blindly in a war based upon invisible liars and my own self-deceit.
Positive thought and action is cultivated through temperance and experience-appreciation and respect. I have betrayed those I love which results in my ascension of self.
It is never healthy to love another person more than yourself. I know that now. Love is infinite but narrow minded and a fixation. But I am not a mother yet.
I fell in love with an owl, his sincerity, humility, character and charm-he reminded me of my childhood and the lover from my dreams, my silent partner in crime. I could not let go of him. I could not allow myself to accept that he existed, let alone that he liked or found value in me given my body dysmorphia, my masochistic hatred, personal addictive nihilistic tendencies and isolation and incredible naiveté that most men had either taken advantage of or mocked. My pride is wounded perhaps more than my heart by these insane choices to have sex. I am shy and bold. It is humiliating that my worst desires turned into outward repulsive paranoia publicly which only increased my shame and self-loathing but which now liberate me to be my nature. I was feral. Insanity is mentally liberating because it is the action of instinct.
The butterfly becomes the moth.
I am not a red rose or so I have been given by a lover. I prefer yellow roses like my great grandmother. My experimentation with solar and Vampiric psychic energy as well as with human beings derived from my nature which resulted in a greater lesson and my exposure to the fourth dimension or what I perceive as the fourth dimension. I am white. I am black. I am an empath. I do not believe in a higher self. I believe in the union of concentric expression which becomes within my action one argentic being. This is how I will achieve personal agency.
The practice of Kundalini yoga awakened in me my psychic Vampire self. It was crack cocaine to the little girl I was with a broken heart and the sexual tension of a horse-hedonistic and raw. I was able to harness my sexual energy for my own private artistic expression and personal agency to control and manipulate my world. I am a whore who became a monk who became a whore who becomes a monk again. I understand now that if I do not understand and trust in my true nature and desires with full acceptance that I will only become corrosive in my actions and associations. I am very anal and judgmental. “Honk if you think I’m Jesus” adorns my dark red Dodge Spirit. This philosophy is my brainchild coal lab whore nation.
I am gnostic.
I am left eye dominant.
I am a savant.
I am an apple tree.
