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All my life I waded to meat someone of my own species to stumble blindly upon the thicket of a tarantula's nest was never my intention. The desire to live in his house overwhelmed my sense of propriety and drove my nonsense south. I fell in love with his best friend or so i claimed, manipulative girl i aim to be. Now the shy why of the polisce wasiting for my lines cocked out and i aim timid now. This time i will wait for him to come to me. Hold tight and pliant, Daddy finally revealing himself, or at least this time i realize creystalize and dknow what i knew all along. Daddy's mine.
http://www.clashmusic.com/news/thom-yorke-talks-new-radiohead-atoms-for-peace-material
I walked along the barren snow laden wasteland that is my hometown. The trees are icicled and the wind is blistery but tolerable. I head downhill from my grandmother's house toward the cheap district, the wolf district, of town which is edged by bars and then leads to the railroad tracks and then to the river. The Chippewa River. I walk beneath the overpass and tiptoe amongst the large rocks that are sandpaper colored. It is here that I find a cheap styrofoam Burgerking cup. I take the cup with me. Somewhere along the journey I find a vinyl plastic red and yellow flower, I take that with me as well although I cannot remember where specifically on the walk I found it. Then I head back up the hill which is crested by the Holy Ghost cathedral and children's primary education school. I believe there is also a sort of nunnery there as well. I used to go to Catholic school as a child and have found memories of playing on the playground which is large wooden blocks with metal poles. It is here under the swing set that I dig into the snow and ground which is pebbled and implant the cup and fill it with pebbles. I then shape snow around it and form it into a dog and place the red flower on top. I had recently fallen under the impression that I had offended the Catholic church in some way and that they and their secret witchcraft spider mongering headaches and nausea was my fault and I wanted to make a peace offering. I cannot remember if this is before or after I committed suicide. I do not know, as time moves differently in my mind, I believe it is after. I am Catholic by blood on both sides of my family and now I am permanently in hell, which is heaven like. I really don't know if I will ever miss bliss, but I do know that I am content to lie in my bed like this.
01. BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES...
Look out of the window
What is passing you by.
If you really want this bad enough.
You're young and good looking
The keys to the kingdom.
Sooner or later
And before your very eyes
Old soul on young shoulders.
How you'll look when you're older.
Times' fickle card game with you and I.
You have to take your chances,
The book of forgiveness.
Sooner or later
And before your very eyes
-
02. DEFAULT
It slipped my mind,
and for a time
I felt completely free.
A word of trouble.
Silent double.
A pawn unto a queen.
I laugh now
but later's not so easy.
I gotta stop,
the will is strong but the flesh is weak.
I guess that's it,
I've made my bed and i lie in it.
I'me still hanging on.
Bird upon a wire.
I fall between the waves.
I avoid your gaze.
I turn out of phase.
A pawn unto a queen.
I laugh now
but later's not so easy.
I gotta stop,
the will is strong but the flesh is weak.
I guess that's it,
I've made my bed and i lie in it.
But it's eating me up
It's eating me up
It's eating me up
If i get free of all my snares and my nets...
-
03. INGENUE
You know like the back of your hand
who let em in.
You got me into this mess so
you get me out.
You know like the back of your hand.
Your bell jar.
Your collection.
Ingenue.
You get me into this mess.
Fools rushing in, yeah,
and they know it.
The seeds of the dandelion you know blow away.
In good time, i hope, i pray.
If i'm not there now physically,
i'm always before you
come what may.
And you know it.
Fools rushing in
yeah
well you know it.
who let them in?
yeah
well you know it
gone with a touch of your hand
gone with a touch of your hand
move through the moment
though it betrays
transformations
jackals and flames
if i knew now
what i knew then
just give me more time
i hope and pray
i mistake all you say
the seeds of the dandelion you blow away
-
04. DROPPED
it slipped
out
of my hands
went deep down
wandering
stumbling
i don't wanna start
don't want to start
when i got your heart
i got your heart
it slipped down
out
of my hands
and flipped
out
went wandering
stumbling
and i fell apart
i fell apart
-
05. UNLESS
...care a less
i couldn't care a less
care a less
i couldn't care a less
care a less
i couldn't care a less
such a mess
i know it's useless
i couldn't care a less
care a less
i couldn't care a less
while my heart keeps returning
i am lost
i am weightless
with my arms by my side
i am hope
i can break this
i am rust
i am waiting
i am here
i am weightless
i am rust
rust
rust
rust
rust
care a less
i couldn't care a less
care a less
i know it's useless
i couldn't care a less
care a less
i know it's useless
couldn't care a less
care a less
i know it's you i guess
couldn't care a less
-
06. STUCK TOGETHER PIECES
Our stuck together pieces
The joke is i don't need this
You can hardly tell the difference
Well i know but i don't care
Grown up together pieces
Our stuck together pieces
A loada near misses
Aw shucks you got me
You can have anything that you want
Except the thing you really want
Go back to where you came from
Go back to what you know
Our stuck together pieces
Our stuck together pieces
Our stuck together pieces
Our stuck together pieces
Why be rain when you could be sun?
Why tie yourself to anyone?
Why be here when you'd somewhere else?
Well i know but i don't care
You don't get away
You don't get away so easily
Mirror mirror still the prettiest
To all points of the compass
Just tell us where the money is
On stuck together pieces
And a loada misses
And a loada misses
Well i don't want any trouble
But my brain is in a tangle
You don't get away
You don't get away so easily..
-
07. JUDGE JURY AND EXECUTIONER
Don't worry baby
It goes right through me
I'm like the wind and my anger will disperse
Thin persecutors
Thin twisted vespers
A horned reptile that has crawled upon the earth
I went for my usual walk
I tell like it is tell like was
Judge and Jury
Executioner
Judge and Jury
Executioner
And darkness follows
No tomorrows
It's all been decided
All spiced and scented
All bouncing voices down the echo chamber
“If you come to me tonight
I'll be yours for good......”
I went for my usual walk
I went around the block I just can't talk
or reason with my
Executioner
Judge and Jury
Executioner
Thin waist betrayers
Who talk in layers
I went for my usual walk
I tell like it is tell like it was
Judge and Jury
Executioner
Judge and Jury
Executioner
Don't worry baby
It goes right through me
I'm like the wind and my anger will disperse
-
08. REVERSE RUNNING
I'm reverse running.
It doesn't mean anything.
Hurling headlong.
Why would you even ask?
I've forgotten who i am.
Snakes uncoiling.
Pressed up to the glass.
All the things that you shouldn't ask.
But you see through me.
It doesn't mean anything.
a meaningless plaything.
Reverse running.
Running contrary-ways.
Pulling off the anyways.
I'm messing up.
Messing up the balance.
Breaking my trajectory.
All the toys in the factory.
While you all lie down.
While you all lie down.
I'm skipping back through the tapes.
Skipping through the ad breaks.
God in heaven!
It makes me feel energized!
All else is sanitized.
And with such joy.
Running contrary-ways.
Pulling off the anyways.
I jump back around.
I'm reversing.
I'm reverse running.
I fall under the horses feet.
All the things that I shouldn't see.
Animal or Bird.
Animal or Bird.
Moving in slow motion.
This shit is gonna mess me up
-
09. AMOK
A penny for your thoughts my love
A swinging door
A penny for your thoughts
They try to jump me
A penny for you thoughts my love
They're spaghetti
They possess me
I'm trying to be a thought killer
They come back to bite me
A penny for you thoughts my love
They court disaster
I'm trying to be a thought killer
A penny for you thoughts my love
You'll forget me
I'm trying to be a thought killer
A penny for you thoughts
They distract me
A penny for you thoughts my love
I'm sending out choirs of angels
Trying round pieces of string
To run amok run amok ran amok
To run amok
You got me you got me
Back to bite me
A penny for your thoughts.
LOOK WHAT I GOT TODAY!!
AMOK artwork panel is being displayed at Tower Records Shibuya [X]
So, what's this yearning, this struggling for some small thing that probably will never come? Makes all this situation feel a bit miserable, makes us feel like regular human beings... again
And both parts accept it and know it, for there is no choice
Either way, there would be a choice, if both aknowledged we are all human beings
nothing more than that
We drove 23 hours, woke up at 6:30 a.m. stood in line for a few hours, stormed the grounds, and waited 8 more hours for the absolute best live performance any of us had ever seen. Radiohead exceeded our expectations... and we had high expectations. I somehow managed to get some great pictures with a not so great camera... this is my favourite.
I've really enjoyed reading all the latest interviews with you. This is what I tell everyone who has earned a special place in my heart. YOU ARE WANTED, NEEDED AND LOVED! Can't wait to receive your latest work, in the mail! Blessings and Peace to you and yours!
There is an odd quickening, a sense of metamorphosis in the environment. The sky beings to darken ominously. The vivid green color begins to leach from the grass and leaves. The bird song is fading. The sound of wind begins to sweep up. The running water in the creek sinks into its bed
“Don’t blink or you will miss it. Sometimes everything can change…overnight.”
There is a flash. Suddenly everything has changed. The earth is brown; the sky is grey. The streambed is dry and black. The trees are twisted skeletons now. The sound of birds has been replaced with the distant cries of houndeyes and bullsquids. A crow crouches in the black willows, cawing. On the horizon the city appears grey, no longer lively. A pall hangs over it. In the sky, streaks of deadly light, dark aircraft. Explosions bloom on the horizon. Louder, louder, the explosions coming closer, closer. There is another explosion, surrounding you.
“Don’t be nervous. We’re not really here…not yet anyway.”
Another flash engulfs you, and as it fades you find the land has changed again. The earth is utterly blasted. The streambed is choked with ashes. The trees are gone. There is a new sound in the wasteland where you stand, an ugly insect chirring. The city is a blackened ruin, its surviving towers tilted and about to fall. The sky is choked with smoke. From the center of the city, an alien spire begins to rise, towering over the damaged human structures. A light flares out from the spire, like a beacon.
[Half Life 2 first scripts]
-
Atoms for Peaceを組んだ発端はあの見事なライブを始めた4年前でしたね。
Thom Yorke: The Eraserをライブで演るという試みのために生まれたんだよね。
Nigel Godrich: ThomがThe Eraserの1、2年後、出し抜けに僕を呼んで、それをライブで演るというアイディアに夢中になってると言ってきたんだよ、しかもラテン・パーカッションを試し、エレクトリックの要素をリアルなものにするというね。
TY: シーケンサーも何にも使わずにね。それを話して、僕は家に帰って仲間に加えたい人を探して、Joey [Waronker]、 君だろ [Nigel]、 Fleaとあとはパーカッション。JoeyとFleaにEメールを送ったら1時間以内に返事が返ってきた、本当にすぐに。で僕らはMauro [Refosco]と出会った。-
The Eraserのようなエレクトロニックに傾いたアルバムをライブで演奏するというのは常に手際を要することだったでしょう。そのような挑戦をしたいという要素がそこにはあったのですか？
TY: そこにあったのは…うーん、ライブに合う形式に転換するみたいなことは常にできるよ。思い描くそのままとはいかなくても、それはいつでもできる。僕のある部分では他の人たちと演りたいっていうのがあるし、他の部分ではビーツでやったらどうなるだろうっていう探究心もあったり－それは大きな部分を占めてる－最初のうちは僕もただ曲を手探りで感じていただけなんだよね。このひとつのアルバムを自分自身でやり終えて、Latitudeか何かでソロのライブを演ることになってさ(2009年)、Eraserをピアノで演るかベースで演るのか考え抜いて、それは可能だなということがわかったんだ。だからエレクトロニックvsライブっていう美学から始まったわけじゃなくて。でもみんなで集まるとすぐにそれ(シーケンスされたエレクトロニック・ミュージック)をライブで演奏できるようにするのはかなり衝撃的なことだったよ。アフロビートの成り立ちそのものでさ、そんな意図なんて全然なかったのに。
-
AMOKにおいてはパーカッションの内どれくらいがフィジカルなものでどのくらいがエレクトロニックなものなのか聴き分けるのはかなり困難です。とてもパーカッシブなレコードでドラムは大抵がミックスの中で高い位置付けをされていますが、どれがどうなのか判別するのは難しいですよね。
TY: 僕らはドラムがどこで始まって終わるのか、どう合わさっていくのかあえてわかり辛くしたんだ、そうすることでライブ感の持つエネルギーを維持できる、それがエレクトロニックで作られたものであっても。だって僕らはただジャムとかをやってたわけじゃなくて、真意はそれがエレクトロニックで作られたものだっていう事実から来てるわけだから。
NG: それはJoeyやMauroと一緒に初めて演ったとき本当に明らかになったよね。The Eraserのリズムの中には本当に複雑なのがあるから、誰かがそれを楽器で表現してくれる機会を窺ってたんだ－他に類を見ないものだった。新曲の基礎は最初にAtoms for Peaceとしてライブをやったときで、そのとき僕らには演奏するものが足りないってわかったんだよね…
TY: 「何があるっけ？」「これで全部か！」みたいな感じ(笑)
NG: それがアルバムの始まりだったと言えるかな。でもそれをバンドに持っていってどう演奏するかを見なきゃならなかった、(演奏されることで)効果的なのもあれば、エレクトロニックのままの方がいいものもあったからね。そういう二つのものが同居してる二世帯住宅なんだよね－君が言うように、どれがどうなのか区別することはできないような。
TY: 僕らが最初に集まったとき僕に起こらなかった、なんか大きな可能性が大々的に放出されるみたいな感じでさ、でも新しいものを演奏することになって－新しいミュージシャンたちと、しかも僕が自分で書いたんじゃなくて2人共同で組み立てたものを、ね…良い勢いがバンド内にあった。かなり独特で、奇妙な場所に位置して、変わった行動をするっていう。大きなパンドラの箱を開けるみたいな感じだけど、それがどの方向に進むのか僕にはわからない。僕らはマシンで作られたこのイカれたリズムを持っている、そしてそれを維持できるミュージシャンがいる－問題ない－更に、それぞれがお互いを引き出すことができるんだよ。ちょっとすごいことだよね。
-
値打ちのあるパンドラの箱を開けたということなら、それをどのように凝縮してアルバムに落とし込むのですか？AMOKは割と短くて、簡潔な感じのレコードですよね。
TY: うーん、これは何よりそのときの状況の、極めて最初の反応であって。僕らは3日に渡って延々とジャムをして、それが何かの形になったみたいな。それについて大げさに考えたりはしなかったんだよ、それはそう…いくらかのアイデアの宝石が集まってきた、それが一緒に時間を過ごす動機だった、作業をするっていうね。
NG: このアイデアが詰まったパンドラの箱という話は、目の前にたくさんのアイデアがあってそこから手にとって選ぶことができるっていうことを指すんだよ。僕らはパンドラの箱と言っているけど、それは楽しいものだったんだ。本当はチョコレートが詰まった箱と言った方がいいような。
お弁当箱とか？
NG: それでもいい。結局のところ、たくさんの可能性がある中で僕らは好みのものを受け入れるっていうことでね。で、それが本当に本当に楽しくて。それが根底にある。演奏するのが本当に楽しくて、しかもそれを維持できるミュージシャンがいるっていうのは本当に愉快なことなんだよね。
TY: 仕上げるのはちょっと大変だったけど－詞を書くのはね、相変わらず。
-
ライブの素材を作るという意図を超えたのはいつ頃でしたか。そのときにはアルバムを作ることを意識していましたか？
NG: すぐにそれを悟ったんじゃないかな。ツアー最後の3日間のほとんどは新しいものに費やしてたし。
TY: そんで「じゃあまたな」って言って解散して、アルバムに落とし込んだ。
NG: その3日間で何が現れようとしてるのかそんなにわかってはいなかったけど、レコードを作ろうとしてるということは認識してた。可能性が潜んでいるのを目にして、それが変化する様を見た。過去を振り返るプロジェクト－(The Eraserの)素材を使って、解釈し直して、そしてまた演奏するっていうことだったわけだけど－新しいものを作るっていうことまで一緒にできたのはすばらしかったね。
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AMOKの曲のタイトルがThe Eraser ['Atoms for Peace']とRadioheadのHail to the Thief ['Judge, Jury and Executioner']双方から引用されているのを興味深いと思ったのですが。
TY: そうなの？
ええ、 ‘Myxomatosis’ の副題は ‘Judge, Jury and Executioner’ ですよね。
TY: (笑)そりゃ間違いだ。もう使ってたなんて忘れてた！僕の引き出しは狭いな。
ではわざとそうしたわけではなかったのですか？
TY: いや、純粋に忘れちゃってた。その、僕の歌詞のノートはぐちゃぐちゃだからさ。
Atoms for Peaceの歌詞を書くのはRadioheadのときと何か違いはありますか?
TY: わからない。それについては本当に考えたことがない。
NG: 立ち会ってる人間からすると、今回の歌詞を書くプロセスはより直感的だったと思うけどね。Radioheadにおいては方々を渡り歩いては時を経て展開していく傾向があって。すごく長いプロセスを経てる。今回はもう「今はこんな感じ。これでやろう」っていうのだったよね。
AMOKの歌声についての私の第一印象もそれに近いです。より自発的で、即興的な。Radioheadよりも捉えどころのないような感じがするんですけれど。
TY: おいおい、やられたな！
何が言いたいかというと、Radioheadにおいては‘There There’のような比較的落ち着いた曲でさえ－‘Paranoid Android’式の壮大で叙情的な曲でなくてもキャッチーな取っ掛かりがあるじゃないですか。AMOKでの歌声はよりスケッチ的な感じがするんです。目の前で、ほとんどリアルタイムにできたような。Actressの曲を彷彿とさせるんですよね、また違った方法で。
TY: それはこのプロジェクトの始まり方のせいじゃないかな。既にあったもので形成されて、ヴォーカルをよりリズムへ共鳴させるという意図があって、それが中心ではないっていう。ヴォーカルがビートに滑りこんでいってるとも既に言われたし。
エレクトロニックの中にかなり包み込まれていますよね。
TY: ああ、そうだね。巻き起こってる感情は曲の内部にあると思うんだけどな、表面というよりも。わかってもらえるかな？
NG: 僕はとても動的だと思ってる。違ったタイプの感情があって、違ったやり方で人を突き動かす音楽で。The Eraserと比較してみたって、とても近いものであるにもかかわらず、やっぱり曲が元になってて、今回のはよりリズムと結びついてる、それと反復、それらと動的に繋がってるんだ。違った手法なんだよ－やっぱり曲なんだけど、こういう類のリズムに曲を合わせるっていうのは…
TY: ほんと難しい。
NG: とってもパワフルなんだけどね、それができたときは。
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アルバムを作るプロジェクトになるとわかったとき、特定のゴールを見据えていましたか－エレクトロニックのリズムをミュージシャンが演奏するというアイデアから離れて－レコードへ向かうための。
TY: ちょっとした爆発だった、僕らはそれを捉えたかった。良い期間だったからね。個人的には、僕らは恵まれてると思った。でも僕は16の頃から同じバンドでずっとやってきて、そして今回のはかなり刺激的なことで－全然違う視点から来てることだったからね、美学を求めるような、でもそれはやっぱりミュージシャンと共に部屋の中で演奏するっていうことで、やっぱり僕の知ってることなんだけど。僕らは壁に開いた穴を目の前にしてて、それならもう行っちゃうしかないだろ、っていう感じだった。
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漠然とした質問ですが、AMOKにおいて、役割の内どれくらいがダンス・ミュージックになっているのでしょうか？トムは最近Boiler RoomやBenji BのRadio 1に出演し、巧みな演奏のレコードを回しました－動的なアイデアへ回帰させるものを、それはもっとも動的な形へと磨かれたダンス・ミュージックとかなりマッチするものですね。
TY: それは全部じゃないの？進められているすべてが－さっき言ったように箱だったんだよ、そしてこれはそれに対する最初の反応、だけど僕がもっと深めていきたい何かでもある…それをDJでやるとか、もっと分解するとかね。それから僕らが次にバンドで集まったとき、その席へもっと持っていきたい領域でもある。それを形作るのはベストな－ともあれ僕にとっては－ダンス・ミュージックの断片なんだよ、間違いなく。僕はそれ(ダンス・ミュージック)に対する盲目な信者じゃない、でも今の僕にとっていいと思えるものはそれなんだよね…起こってる中でいちばん興味を惹かれるのは。
それが進化して、プロジェクトがよりダンス・ミュージックと影響し合うようになる具体的な手段はあるんですか？
TY: おもしろいね…それは純粋な楽器(で演奏すること)に拘るかどうかによるんじゃないのかな。特に僕はラップトップに指図されながらステージに立つようなことは求めてない、だけどそれ以外なら受け入れられる－最初の頃Atoms for Peaceのライブをやる目的は(The Eraserの)機械から解放されることにあったからね。でもわかんないな…その二者間での対話なんだよね。僕らはその内側に位置してる感じがするっていうのが僕の把握してるすべてだな。
それは僕を夢中にさせたあるレコードを彷彿とさせてて、Charles MingusのTown Hall Concertってやつなんだけど。 とんでもない失敗作、っていうのも彼はライブ盤を作るように依頼されたんだけど、ビッグ・バンドものをやりたかった、それは作業場の実験の延長だったんだよ。彼はあまりいい状態でなくて、精神的にね、そして新しい譜面や思いつきを持ち込んで、そんなの出来っこないミュージシャンたちに延々と押し付けた。それを披露する日が来たけど、もう全然バラバラで。きっと与えられたアイデアはみんな彼らの限界を超えちゃってたんだろうね。
NG: それを期待してたらいいよ。
TY: 今のうちに楽しんでくれよ、僕の頭がおかしくなる前に。
NG: でもダンス・ミュージックについて訊かれたのは興味深いことだね。ポピュラー音楽で今いちばん活気のある分野だ。前向きで元気になるような－たとえ全部を好まないとしても。それは小宇宙を具えてるんだよ。これがエレクトロニックとアコーステックの相互作用においての違いでね、それにヴォーカルがある－とても貴重だよね。僕だってわくわくするよ、Thomの声のファンだからね。更に僕は今、完全にオリジナルのものでそれを聴くことができる－他にはめったにないっていう音と共にね。可能性は尽きない気がする。エレクトロニック・ミュージックの多くは死んでるみたいだね、歌声を失っちゃってるから。
TY: 僕からすると、何かを組み立てるときはいつも、ラップトップであろうとドラム・マシンでも何でも…常に頭の後ろで歌声が聴こえてるんだよね。ヴォーカルを思い描かずにダンス・ミュージックを最初から最後まで聴くのはほとんど無理なんだよ。僕は歌い手だからさ、そうなっちゃうんだ。Actressの曲を聴いたらヴォーカルが聞こえる－それは僕なんだ。
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私からするとAMOKは(Flying Lotusの) Until the Quiet Comesも少し彷彿とさせるんです－あのアルバムの中には辛うじて(ダンス・ミュージックの)パーカッションが存在する曲もありますが、やはりエレクトロニックかアコーステックなのか判断がつかないですよね。そしてAtomsのかなり初期の段階で彼と一緒にツアーを回ったことを思い出しました。
TY: うんまあ、僕らは彼のステージをよく観てたし、彼もそうだよ。たくさんのアイデアが飛び回ってたしね。
Atoms for Peaceで他のミュージシャンとコラボレーションするということはありますか？
NG: まあもちろんエレクトロニック・ミュージックではたくさんコラボレーションが行われてるけど、それはヴォーカルでだよね。近頃ではコラボレーションは自由に行われてて、とても良いことだけど、僕らにはもうThomがいるから、他に歌う人間を必要としないよね、例えばの話だけど。
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では最後の質問です－かなりわかりきったことですが、お二人がAtoms for Peaceに注力している間、Radioheadの状態はどうなっているのでしょう？
TY: うーん、(Radioheadは)休みに入ってる、有意義な時間を過ごせるのは本当にすばらしいことだよ、こういう終わりのないアイデアと、しかも盛りだくさんのね。彼にもどうぞ。
NG: 物事は循環するもので、新しいものに変わることや挑戦する機会をもつということは大事なことだと思う。動き続けて、新鮮な状態にしていかなくちゃ。Thomはずっとダンス・ミュージックに入れ込んでた、そして今、僕らはまったく違った方法へ切り替わる機会を手にしてるんだ。
http://www.andreamastrovito.com/index.php?pagina=works&id_cat=0007&id_prod=00000125
An experience I had when I was 22 years old, while living in Vancouver near Main St.
The moment I approached the back alley dumpster in the dark, as he turned to face me, I thought "I'm fucked". Although I was filled with fear as soon as I felt this dark vibe surrounding this person, some-how I remained calm. The 'Wolf' was at least six feet tall with long hair pulled back into a pony-tail and wearing orange overalls with a teddy bear, yes, a teddy bear in his front pocket of the strange suit. I was about three meters away when I noticed him there, and as I approached to throw out the trash realized what a bad idea it had been to go out in this neighborhood, alone, in the dark. I had no idea that there could be danger in my own back yard. This wasn't exactly Hastings st. but this neighborhood in Vancouver near Main St. was no walk in the park either.
Stupid, stupid, stupid...i thought...as I threw my bag in the dumpster beside this huge giant of a man...and walked back a few steps slowly, not turning my back. Some how there is this animal instinct that comes alive inside when faced with real danger...and that night it was turned on full force. I made small talk, because I saw bad thoughts in his eyes. Knew if i were to run it would be bad. He would turn on me. I said "hello"..sheepishly and complimented his teddy bear... mmmm.. didn't really know how to direct the conversation at first. Meanwhile he just glared down at me like some monstrous impending doom, replying rather oddly "I really don't like talking with people" and "I'm afraid of people". I replied, while stepping slowly backwards toward the lit up street behind, that I don't much like talking to most people either...and that "usually I don't know what to say in normal conversations". He just looked at me blankly, shook his head and confessed to me in a very dark way, he said,"I'm thinking really bad thoughts right now".
Now, this should have made me freak out and yet, somehow it didn't. I remained calm and replied "That's OK! We all think bad thoughts sometimes, it's normal"...but he just kept on repeating this "bad bad bad thoughts right now"...while shaking his head. He almost resembled an autistic child repeating the motion that makes them calm. Then he turned to me and confessed another thing... he had just gotten out of Jail. Uh oh.
Not that this came as a big surprise to me, with the overalls, and the over-all vibe i felt while approaching him. Again i re-affirmed to him that I was not afraid of him, or his thoughts...by saying "THATS OK, EVERYBODY thinks bad thoughts sometimes"... (maybe some people have worse thoughts than others)
This was not going anywhere. I noticed his hands were shaking. I decided, my best luck was to try and trick him into a different mind frame. I knew that this would either work, or turn into a disaster! I had to take the chance. and so i said to him "Look it's really dark outside, I was thinking to walk down to the nearby Coffee Shop and get something, I'm a little bit afraid, would you please walk me there?"
...and IT WORKED haha...I saw the giers in his mind changing...and he transformed into a different person!
Instantly he pirked up into the "I'm the man! Mode"...he completely changed personality in an instant. "He said yah sure no problem. You know a little lady like yourself shouldn't be out alone so late at night...the Mans always got to walk on the outside of the lady to protect her from danger..."
Meanwhile I'm just thinking...OK...all i got to do is get out of this alley into the main road...and we are good to go. Turns out the guy wasn't so bad after all. He started pouring out his heart to me, while every now and then going into very dark thoughts, I managed to change the subject or confirm that it's OK to him. I was feeling more and more safe as we walked along the lit up road, cars passing, towards the coffee shop at the corner of my street. The man took off his gloves and showed me his hands, they were covered in these pussy scabs. I felt so sorry for him. I think the scabs may have been from him taking the drug called Speed? Anyways, as we walked, at some point, he looked down at me and said with a kind of smile "you know, you can make yourself into a real victim can't you?" or something like that. I looked up at him, directly into his eyes and replied "yah, but your not allowed to hurt me"...and to my great surprise, he turned his head down like a shy little boy and said
"I know"
This was one of those great moments in life where your're thinking, wow, is this a dream! This can't be happening! It blew my mind!
While we were at the Coffee Shop I offered to buy him something but he didn't eat or drink anything. He just needed to talk. He poured out his life story to me, how so many councilors have tried to help him with the voices inside his head and all this psychological stuff that never worked for him! I just told him the only advice i know is to just realize in the moment that you think something bad to say to yourself "it's just a thought, and it will pass" and I also advised him "DON"T act on the bad voices! Do NOT listen to them anymore and they will go away and the less he focuses on the negative voices the less power they have over him" ...it's probably advice no different than the councilors would have given, but I had to try.
He smiled at me in this really boyish way. I felt in that moment talking with him like he was this hurt little child trapped inside this huge man body. He was a sheep in wolves clothing.
The man said "I thinks this Teddy Bear was protecting me tonight"...and I replied "I think it was too" and then he offered the bear to me as a present, but I said "no, i can't accept it.. you need him more than I do"
I really feel like that teddy bear protected me that night. If it hadn't been for that fucking teddy bear sticking out of his pocket, I wouldn't have been able to see the child inside the man. My fear would have taken over, and he may have reacted to it. Who knows what could have happened! I'm just happy that no harm came to me, or to him.
I gave this giant boy a hugg, and off he went to wander the streets of Vancouver, alone.
I walked home, no longer afraid of the dark, or bad thoughts.
Just heard today that Steve Reich has written a new major piece, Radio Rewrite, drawing on Radiohead (apparently inspired by "Everything in its right place" and "Jigsaw falling into place") and the London Sinfonietta are playing it in Brighton (on 7th March). Love both Radiohead and Steve Reich (the London Sinfonietta are cool too) but have never seen Reich's stuff live and have heard that he's going be there and involved!
....saw the poster from the bus, ran home (literally ran), got a ticket and have been bouncing around the flat since like a demented kitten.
For those in the Brighton area on 07/03/2013, they've still got some tickets (unlike the London premiere on 05/03/2013) and the set list is: Clapping Music, Electric Counterpoint, 2x5, Radio Rewrite and Double Sextet.
I wonder who's playing the guitar on Electric Counterpart? ....whoever it is, it will be awesome.
.....just happy-making, so so happy-making :-)
I wept for you. Now I wear my wedding ring. The buckets of blood in her basement terrify me and the ring she left behind for me pulses with a dark energy. I am cursed to beauty. I feel in love with Jack the Ripper, I feel anoited by the slit wrists of winter when I think his name. I am not above the law, I am not above the law. My punishment waits for me in the wings and I know there's a metal coffin with my name on it if I don't straighten out my wicked ways. Don't bury me yet, don't aim that low, I can't handle the current of this river's flow. I'm a chicken, you've got to know. I'm a fucking coward and I know I need my clothes. War is not a word I prepare to know. I am a woman not a man, I am a lover down by the wayside in a nihilistic mercedes van. Can you understand me more than I understand myself. Are you my Helen Keller, are you my forgotten black sun? My tongue is wet and my heart needs a vet.
Last week, a video surfaced on YouTube of what appeared to be a drone hovering over a residential neighborhood in West Oakland. Filmed by videographer Jacob Crawford, the eerie unmanned aircraft was held aloft by several mini helicopter-like blades with blinking red-and-green lights.
Drones have been a pressing issue for our friends across the bay; in December, the Alameda County Sheriff's Department incited anger and paranoia when it revealed plans to buy its own drone, for whatever reason. However, the $31,646 item was put on hold after the American Civil Liberties Union accused the department of trying to slip it past East Bay folks without enough public vetting. Sheriff Greg Ahern assured the Chronicle that he would only use the drone for "mission-specific incidents" such as search-and-rescue missions.
Ahern, who says he doesn't have his own drone, has insisted the aircraft would not be for spying on civilians. So then why did Crawford's video include a clip of Ahern talking about how the unmanned aircraft had great surveillance potential?
Specifically, he says, "We wouldn't use it for Occupy Oakland movement; however, I'm not going to tell you we wouldn't use it in the event that a crowd turned violent and and started vandalizing or harming people."
So if the drone above doesn't belong to the Alameda County Sheriff's Department, then whose is it?
The device belongs to a hobbyist named Cody Oliver, who reached out to Crawford when he saw the video. If you keep up with the tech world, Oliver's name may ring a bell -- he was a developer of the early P2P file-sharing network Gnutella and made the news last year when he stumbled upon cobbled-together Pentagon lightning guns while building tricked-out cars for Burning Man.
When asked about the privacy issues a civilian drone might present, he told SF Weekly, "In the day and age of nanny cams I don't think anyone has any privacy now. If someone wants to watch you, $50 bucks and a hidden cam is all that is needed." But he also assured us that he has no intentions of using his drones (yes, he's collecting) for surveillance. Instead, he's working on a terrain-mapping project for a friend. The flight captured on Crawford's video was intended to test the aircraft for stability -- the small propellers cause a vibration that can interfere with the craft's GPS.
Oliver also wasn't content with the term "drone" for his aircraft. Hobbyists call them UAVs -- unmanned aerial vehicles -- and aren't very happy about the legislative attempts to regulate their flights. In a forum about UAVs, one user wrote, "The entire community should stop using the word 'drone.' Drones, to me, are UAVs used for surveillance. That's what people are afraid of, the loss of privacy, not the aircraft itself. Stop associating with that. We have RC toys that we use for fun, not surveillance."
Although drones seem spooky, the potential for simple fun is clearly there. Oliver isn't the only person piloting drones through the Oakland skies; another hobbyist named Lloyd Ranola posted a video captured by his drone that features a scenic look at Mandela Parkway. The following video features stunning drone-recorded images of the Golden Gate Bridge, Lombard Street, and other tourist destinations (heads up: this drone flight is set to extremely loud dubstep).
I am on facebook and post my drawings which were primarily inspired by Radiohead and my own personal experiences, if anyone is interested in seeing them, critiquing, trashing or fucking with me you can add me - I am RHYE WRUST. I will add anyone who adds me. This is a new beginning for me....
